OMG *insert recruit*

Beauford doesn't get recruiting. In my world, kids will all be treated the same. Like dogs. Lawn mowing, dish washing dogs. That's how I rear mine. There's even a joke there that I'm not going to make. I don't need to, for reasons detailed below.

I should make a distinction, subtle that it may be. I don't have a problem with recruiting, I have a problem with obsessive fans who perhaps follow it a bit too closely - and everyone knows who those people are. They sweat over the moves of 18 year old boys. Trust me, I've been on the message boards, and I half expect to see Chris Hanson walk in with a trail of dateline cameras.

Chris Hanson: What are you doing?

Beauford Bixel: Uhh..nothing man, nothing. He was confused, I'm just trying to help him with a...a...a difficult decision.

CH: Yeah, what about that brand new Corvette you brought?

BB: That's nothing man, nothing. I just thought...you know...he would enjoy that. He was only using it for the prom, you know.

CH: Do you know who I am?

BB: (starting to break) Yeah man, yeah. Whooooooo..shit.. I'm gonna go away for this aren't I? I know there's a whole department outside in fucking ninja suits waiting to taze me. Right?

CH: Walk out that door, you'll find out.

Man - that's just not my scene. Beauford can't go away for some punk shit like that. That's what I don't sweat the recruiting too much. Chris Hansen. Seriously.

So this year it's Terrelle Pryor, a 6'5" robot, and I'm not talking C-3PO. I'm talking fast as hell, cold as ice, football playing "I Robot" type android. This kid will kill Will Smith no questions asked. If you're an Ohio State fan, you are supremely confident that he's wearing Scarlet and Gray. If you're a Michigan fan, you're quietly praying he fills in the Quarterback position that is a huge man eating question mark at this point in time. You want to know a secret?

Both football teams will play next year - with or without Pryor. If losing one 5 star recruit was enough to sink either program, they'd be sunk by now. Both programs are big enough to continue, and both program's respective cupboards are stocked with premium china - we're not talking bullshit Bed Bath and Beyond 20% off crap. We're talking Grade "A" Pottery Barn shit with fancy designs on them. If either program were bare, they'd be Ball State. But they're not - they're Ohio State and Michigan.

So, take it from Beauford, this year's OMG recruit, Terrelle Pryor, will make his decision on February 6th. Until then, Michigan and Ohio State fans, keep Chris Hansen out of your kitchen, and stop sweating so hard. You're dripping on the counter.