Sparty What?

NCAA Football, from EA sports, is the flagship game for the college football fanatics who like to try to score 100 points, gain 500 yards receiving with one player, or have Mike Hart win the Heisman 4 times in a row. It has also, over the years, been beefed up to where it is a legitimate stand alone game, and not just "Madden" with less features and more teams. Every year, EA decides on a cover athlete. Recently, Desmond Howard, Jared Zebransky, and Reggie Bush have graced the cover. This year, in a thinly veiled marketing ploy, there will be three different covers (for 3 different systems) each featuring their own athlete. Chosen as the Nintendo Wii's cover: Sparty the Spartan.

That's right. The slightly homo (hey, he turns us on!) mascot for the little bro's themselves. I know what you're saying, mostly because we were saying it too. "What the hell? That's not an athlete, and Michigan State ummmmm....kinda sucks."

Upon further review, however, it was truly the most logical pick based on the following reasons:

1) Have you ever tried to play an EA football game on the Wii? It's terrible. First, you end up looking like a retarded "Star Wars Kid" with the little baton because you have to actually motion a throw. This, of course, necessitates that you stand, waving your arms in various directions looking like a T-Rex who is clawing at something just out of reach. In short: you're retarded.

2) The results on screen aren't much better. In short: your video game players are also retarded.

3) The whole experience leads to complete frustration culminating in a thrown 'troller, blood pressure nearing 180/110, and an insistence on never playing the Wii again.

So, in a deft move by EA sports, they've managed to encapsulate the Michigan State Football experience into one video game. Looking and acting retarded, extreme frustration, and an insistence that you'll never watch Michigan State play again. Since Michigan State hasn't even had a player worthy of the cover, the mascot will have to suffice.

Brilliance on levels man, that's what EA's about.