As stated numerous times, I, Beauford Bixel, am a Michigan fan. I also try my hardest not to use this space to yell GO BLUE OMG!!1!1 That, after all, is Champ's job. Please read the following ridiculously early previews bearing this in mind. On with the show.
Did you guys hear about Michigan hiring some new coach? Yeah, it's been all over the news. [whisper] I think he's a Mexican [/whisper]. Anyways, he runs this new fangled offense that only works in high schools. Yeah - so much for Michigan even sending anyone without a pot/drug/gun/stripper/dolla billz y'all problem to the NFL. It's sad really. Did you hear about his morals? Yeah, he boils babies. No, really, he just puts 'em in big pots of water and boils them. For fun. You know what he uses as firewood? Stacks of money he owes West Virginia. What a jerk. It's just too bad that Michigan had to lower their moral expectations for this guy.
This is the typical thought process from Ohio State fans when asked about Rodriguez. Maybe not the baby part; I got a little carried away...but still, the overwhelming reaction to Rodriguez's hiring by those in the Big Ten facing the prospect of playing him every year has been...less than pleasant. If you can stand anonymous Buckeyes wielding keyboards, float on over to Bucknut's discussion board and ask about Rodriguez. You'll get an earful, I guarentee you.
And you know what? They may be right. We don't know much about Rodriguez. I'm inclined to give him the benefit of the doubt, at least until his teams actually play, but honestly, the jury should still be out on him. His coaching skills can only be questioned by those wearing the largest of tin-foil hats, but his moral and personal skills? Eh. Who knows? What I do know is that his offense at WVU has been set to kill since he got there, and his S&C program kicks the shit out of anything that Michigan has done since Bo's arrival. The rest? I'll leave that to Bucknutters and GO BLUE OMG!!1!1 types to debate.
2007 Season in One Word:
Shoe: Meet Nuts...
...Both Nuts
Ouch. The whole season was just one long "ouch." You know how you can get hit in the balls by, like, a basketball? But it only hits one, and mostly just missed? So the pain just kind of creeps up into your stomach, but you can keep playing ball, because really it's not that bad? Appalachian State wasn't even close to that. Appalachian State came right up to the toughest kid on the playground, and kicked them square in the balls. There was no halfsies about it - a small tennis shoe squarely planted on both nuts dropped Michigan to the floor before Oregon came over and kicked them in the jaw. After that, Michigan fought the rest of the season as best they could - with stomach pain and a broken face against kids who had waited a long time to see Michigan on their knees. Henne and Hart were Hobbled (yay alliteration!) for the majority of games played, and had it not been for heroic efforts from Henne during the Illinois and Michigan State games, this season would have been amongst the worst in recent memory. Then salvation came against Florida, when Michigan finally roared out to a 41-35 beating of Florida, complete with Heisman winner, M.D., and super hero Tim Tebow. Coach Carr hung up the whistle immediately following the game.
2008 Tangibles:
Schedule:
8/30 Utah
9/06 Miami (OH)
9/13 @ Notre Dame
9/27 Wisconsin
10/04 Illinois
10/11 Toledo
10/18 @ Penn State
10/25 Michigan State
11/01 @ Purdue
11/08 @ Minnesota
11/15 Northwestern
11/22 @ Ohio State
Coach:
Rich Rodriguez spreads it like butter. This is his first season as Wolverines head coach after thoroughly bitch-making the Big East. See beginning of post for more info.
Returning Playmakers:
Offensively, it's gone, baby, gaaaaooooone (emphasis added).
Tim Jamison, Brandon Graham, Donovan Warren, and Morgan Trent...wait a second...this could actually be a good defense! Hmmmmm....
Be prepared for a true supernova of a post from Champ forthcoming. It will probably melt your skin.
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