BTB Roundtable

Roundtables. They have begun. This week, our questions are brought to us by our frenemies (upgraded from Mortal Foe) Black Heart Gold Pants. Some questions are team specific, and I will attempt to give you the rational fan's answer for each team:

Week 1's in the books. What surprised you about your team? Are you optimistic? Disappointed? (NOTE: Purdue does not apply here, so these fans must talk about Wake Forest instead)

Illinois: A Lemanless defense is not one that I care to be a part of. I am disappointed, but only because I bought into the preseason notion that Illinois was better than a 7 win ballclub.

Indiana: We only return 2 scholarship players next year? WTF? You'd better get it together Crean. Wait. Football?

Iowa: Bad: We suck at quarterback. Good: All our QB's would start for Michigan. Yeah! Dickrod! Plus it was Maine, and like, they suck.

Michigan: Sure, that first game was bad, but give it like, 3 years. We'll be better then!

Michigan State: SPARTAHHHHHohwaitwe'renotthatgood.

Minnesota: [stunned silence at victory]

Northwestern: Woo. Bring on Duke.

Ohio State: PAAAAAAAAAAAAANIC...what's that? He's not hurt that bad? Sweet. We're gonna eat you, bitches.

Penn State: [too high to respond]

Purdue: Suck it, Baylor.

Wisconsin: Jump Around. Jump Around. Jump Around.

Beanie Wells' foot is definitely the top story in the conference. What's #2?

I think there were several very interesting story lines for the conference aside from Beanie Wells' foot. First, Michigan's inneptitude on offense wasn't surprising, but uh, yeah, they suck really bad. Minnesota's win is encouraging, seeing as they have now matched their season total from last year. I thought Penn State laying 66 on whoever the hell terrible team they played was impressive. Finally, the combined failures of Michigan, Illinois, and Michigan State in the three marquee OOC games further reinforces the fact that the Big Ten is still a mediocre conference nationally.

Admit it: you loathe DickFraudROFL (né Rich Rodriguez), but when Michigan scored that last touchdown, you were rooting for them to make the 2-pt. conversion.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it: you're happy that Michigan lost because Michigan for years has represented that team that was unstoppably evil and curb stomped your team 3 out of every 4 years. However, I think what OPS is getting at here is this: Michigan '08 isn't that Michigan. In fact, they're a different Michigan than the last 50 years worth of "Michigans" have been. They're overmatched, young, small, and rather uncoordinated. Seeing this team lose to Utah shouldn't bring you joy, because it's not the same team you're used to rooting against. I am a Michigan fan; I was rooting for the conversion. Anyone who is a fan of the underdog should be rooting for Michigan this year as well; lord knows they're going to need it.

Is this weekend's slate of games actually less interesting than last week's?

Yes. By a long shot. I fully expect the Big Ten to run the table this week, barring the entire Penn State football team being dismissed by new interim head coach Jeremy Schapp.

Don't you hate pants?

Here's what I don't get about pants: why plural? Are there two pants that you put on? I mean - socks-as-plural makes sense, there are two of them. Same with "shoes." But why they hell are pants plural? Does each leg count as one "pant?" And what the hell is going on with "pair of pants?" There is NO PAIR. Fuck pants. I'm never wearing them again.