It's Spart-Eye Day!

Well, we've got on our green hats here at TOGTM HQ, and combined with our scarlet sweatervests, we'd say we look pretty dashing. Pants? Don't need 'em. The eye-gougingly awful Christmas-gone-to-hell combo of Spartan Green and Buckeye Scarlet is enough to ward off even the most wandering of eyes. And if the color combo doesn't do it, our penis will.

We figure D'Antonio woke up this morning in pretty good spirits. His team is, after all, ranked number 20 in the country, and hey, that's not too bad! Maybe even enough to crack a smile at if, you know, D'Antonio ever smiled - which he does not because emotion is a sign of humanity, and humanity is weakness. Nope, D'Antonio will have none of your weakness, human race, it's a sign of poor breeding. But regardless, D'Antonio probably came as close to smiling as he ever has as he made his morning coffee and watched replays of his "Big Ten Recruiting" commercial in which he manages to scare the living daylights out of us. Really, JoePa may have stolen the show on that one with his "weeeeerelinbackeruuuuu" slur, but pay particular attention to D'Antonio next time. Striking fear into the hearts of friends and enemies alike; that's how D'Antonio rolls. In fact, it's printed right there on his coffee mug.

Jim Tressel, on the other hand, woke up this morning as he always does; rising out of his coffin, a quick virgin-blood shake for breakfast, and off to the office - mindful not to cross running water. Jim, being undead, probably whistles a lot. There isn't a joke in there, I just think that he probably whistles with the uncaring attitude that only those who know that they cannot die possess. Jim knows he's coached better football teams but - and I can't stress this enough - being undead has its advantages, and he's managed to seduce his team, poll voters, and his adoring fans that Ohio State is the same Ohio State that has bitchmade the entire conference for nearly a decade. No reason to think that the gravy-train stops this weekend, and by gravy we of course mean blood.

Two coaches, both speeding towards a meeting that will inevitably leave one significantly more angry than they already are. D'Antonio wears his anger on his sleeve; uses it as motivation for players, recruits, and those sitting at home watching BTN commercials. Jim's anger is much more subtle, passive even. But make no mistake, the anger is there, right below the surface of a calm exterior. A storm rages inside Jim Tressel, but the man never shows it, which makes him dangerous. An enraged man can be dealt with because with the rage comes the adrenaline that relegates reasoned thought and calculation to the nether regions of consciousness. Jim never rages. Jim uses his anger to fuel that reasoned thought and calculation, never letting it take him over.

Two styles; two coaches; two teams who, given the opportunity, would love nothing more than to beat the living hell out of the other, within the rules and parameters of the game of football, of course. That opportunity comes tomorrow, and we've got everything you need, Mr. Big Ten fan, to get you ready for it.