Yo, Braylon!

Hey, you know we play Penn State this weekend, right?

(ht on the photo to Deadspin, which, like, dude...)

Seriously though, this had to be a bet, right? Please? Braylon?

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sometimes we lack the adjectives and adverbs to properly describe an event... yesterday's football contest in Ann Arbor just so happens to be one of those events. What follows here is an attempt at a James Joycian journal/commentary from my vantage point tailgating and then in the stadium yesterday...

Morning, very earlyish... we load up the car with all of our usual tailgate accoutrements, the sun is out, it's a football Saturday, a faint smell of optimism is in the air... "GO BLUE!" surplants "Good morning" on this day... we set off, to the North.

Morning, earlyish... Another car with a Wisconsin plate passes us, I properly determine the quality of the character of all of the passengers by observing the color of their clothing... assholes, all of them. Smug too. We simply glare.

Still morning, less earlyish... the sky is gray, Big 10 football weather at the moment... it's also foggy as hell, another caravan of assholes is tailgating us, we decide we've been passed by enough assholes today and push on into the fog, a symbol of what is to come perhaps?

10:30. Decide for yourself what to call that. We pull into Ann Arbor, all is right with the world, it's still gray though... a large women with a cheese head and a 1985 Wisconsin jersey on is already too inebriated, the lack of surprise in our vehicle is palpable.

Not too much later. Tailgate is now set-up, tossing the football around, the smell of pigskin, beer, and crisp autumn air is intoxicating... so is the beer I guess, but that's not the point. I need to work a little on my delivery, I'm forcing my father to imitate Tacopants a bit too often... it's early I tell myself, and the next one is a strike. Concerns of Steven Threet appear quickly, like a scar burning on my forehead (dork points?) and then just as quickly fade... A wife just down the way from us screams at her husband that she's not a bitch but that she is cold and wants him to move the tailgate into the sun, and all of us laugh a bit too loudly. It's supposedly a Maize Out today, but you wouldn't know it from my #7 jersey or the thousands of other jerseys walking around... Maize Outs are dumb, leave the color coordination to the student section I say in my best crotchety Michigan fan voice... time for another beer. Band is practicing right next to us, lot of Ferris Bueller songs, somewhat skeptical about halftime show.

1:30. Intelligent football discussion commenses around the tailgate: "Wisconsin's line is big!" "So is PJ Hill... hur hur." "We always stop Wisconsin's big running backs, no really, Dayne never went for a 100." "We have to start fast, get the crowd going and build some momentum." "Yeah."

2:20. Ohio State not exactly killing Minnesota... hearty chuckles abound. We pack up the tailgate and head to Revelli Hall. Get set up to watch the MMB inspection and then march in to the stadium with them (always awesome).

2:30. Band ready to go, now heading towards stadium, crowd slowly starting to build up atmosphere now. Cheerleaders do their "breakout" thing and take off ahead of the band, two trip over, well nothing actually, and wipeout right in front of us... omen? Hopefully not, that scar thing again though...

2:45. Because we have brought a family friend along for his first ever trip to the Big House, I am displaced from my usual seat and instead had to purchase a single about 12 rows behind our seats, something feels oddly incorrect about this setup once I get to my spot. Oh well.

3:30ish. Best pregame festivities in all of college football bar none. Wisconsin team is somewhat lost entering the field and tries to run through the MMB block M... it appears my character assesments from this morning were quite accurate. Bucky is here, I find Bucky, like all mascots, annoying. Wisconsin wins toss and elects to receive... going directly against one of my laws of college football, always defer.

Minutes later. No kickoff coverage, Wisky to our 37 or something... goddamnit. D does an ok job after being put in a bit of a pickle and for the first time this year, an opposing team's kicker appears to be a mortal. Yay.

Few more minutes later. Ugh, that was... ugh.

WHY AREN'T THEY REVIEWING THAT??? WHY??????? !#@%!#%

About 40 minutes later. Oh... My... God. We can't hold on to the football. We can't complete a pass past the line of scrimmage... are those passing yards NEGATIVE? Has a team ever had negative passing yards for a whole half? Surely we'll complete one before halftime... I mean, negative! 27 rushing yards... One first down. Stupid drunk Casillas, DUI scooter boy ruined an 80 yard McGuffie TD by making a phenomenal tackle, I hate Bret Bielema. The small child in front of me is asleep... he is lucky. Oh, and I am decidedly wrong about Wisconsin's kicker, he appears capable of hitting one from 72 yards. The defense has been on the field the whole half... how we are not down by 35 is beyond me. The crowd has been sucked into a dark hole of despair... many are quitting.

Florida loses to Ole Miss. Ha, someone else is miserable too.

Shortly thereafter. Threet is hit as he throws. Pick... he's going to take this to the house right in front of me... please God somebody tackle him. Please. No, seriously. Ok someone did. 19-0. Feels like 49-0. People who boo at college football games should have a special spot in Hell reserved for them. I've had enough of my seat, screw this, I'm moving down where I belong. Undoubtedly the worst half of football I have witnessed in my entire life, B2 confirms this via text. The defense hung tough somehow though. Also, some dude was carried out in cuffs from down near the corner of the endzone... wonder why.

Wisconsin Band playing at halftime. Now sitting right behind my normal spot, conversing with all of those around me. Snippets: "Les Miles..." "Ryan Mallet would still be here" and he'd fumble 7 times I respond scornfully. "We will be playing on Thursdays soon" "Could we join the MAC?" "Sheridian has to come in right?" "We can't be worse than this". I point out that the last time I had to sit elsewhere and then moved back at halftime, we came back to beat Minnesota in '04. Even I laugh at the preposterous notion. We all agree that some improvement in the second half is what we're hoping for, just something for us to hang our hats on.

Michigan Band playing at halftime. If the scoreboard was any different, this would go down as perhaps the greatest halftime show ever. People are actually leaving... it's halftime... they should have a special spot in Hell too.

Last portion of halftime. Wisky's kicker clears the net and "SEND IT UP" rises, one of the loudest cheers of the day actually. Random guy in 80th something row does a heroic job to clear the band of Wisconsin fans and get the ball out of the stadium, many people call for him to put a helmet on and play the second half... hur hur.

Michigan holds on to the kickoff. Loud cheer, we're in the Bronx apparently. We complete a downfield pass for a first down, it feels like a TD and we all react appropriately. The crowd is ready for any sort of positive to latch on to. Michigan's offense shows signs of an ability to actually do things like complete passes, still down 19 with seven minutes to go in the third. Crowd has thinned of the damned, and is actually louder, odd eh?

Six to go in the 3rd. 80 yards away, sweet Jesus let us do something please, defense is playing well and Wisconsin is content to slam PJ Hill into our line. Alright... alright... actually moving the football here... crap 3rd and 10, I think our average 3rd down to go distance this year has been 14 yards.

Two to go in the 3rd. A TD! Perfect pass, great catch by... Koger! Carson who? Intermixed between the "alright, at least we won't get shut out" are people who are saying "hey there's some time here...". Crowd has been dying for something positive all day, a few more plays and we may have something going.

Early 4th quarter. Threet just misses Mathews, then just misses Odoms, both ran great routes and were running free. Goddamnit if we hit on one of those... Threet then misses again, hey that's roughing! FLAG! Keepin' us alive! Screw you Wisconsin fans, if any team in the world deserves a call it's us after these past three halves.... Mathews comes back in and makes a big catch... Nice gutty first down by Threet! 3rd and 2...

They're blit........
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Crowd is on fire! Brandon Minor with a bolt from above!!!! I have to climb back to my seat, I don't know how I ended up over there but I don't care. 19-14 and this is a football game! Holy sweet hell! Voice is cracking, no one is sitting, team is jacked, Anthony Thomas looks like he's going to play without pads in the other endzone. Minor looked like he was shot out of a canon.

Still pretty early in the fourth. Michigan Stadium has awoken, Gingell (of all people) boots one over the Badgers' heads and through the endzone, crowd hits new decibel levels as the defense takes the field. I really hope that Wisconsin gives us the opportunity to pin our ears back... My head hurts and I don't care.

Tip. Time has halted now, that football is in the air forever, please let us come down with it...

(AP Photo/Tony Ding)

OH MY GOD!

Pandamonium has never been more apt. I am pretty sure the entire Michigan team and staff was in front of Thompson as he somehow got to the endzone.

Voice gone. 20 unanswered points, the team that had 20 first half yards, 1 first down, and 5 turnovers is now winning the football game. Down is up. Wisconsin fans are absolutely shell shocked, Wisconsin dude near us has head in hands. Crowd has actually managed to get louder.

Our ball again. God bless Mike Barwis, our defense is on fire and they've been out there all day. Handoff to Brandon Minor, he's killed, fumble? Man he really got nailed...

WHAT!?! GO!!!!! THREET GO!!!! NO!!!! HOLD ON TO THE BALL HE'S GOING TO STRIP IT!!!! BOTH HANDS!!!!!!

My voice is gone, I find myself doubled over and just pounding the bench in front of me... I've never been so happy to have no idea where the football was.

Our past philosophy remains in the past. C'mon Rich, a TD is a must here, don't DeBord us, don't do it. McGuffie with a very Hart-like run to set up 1st and goal. Crowd is frothing at the mouth, now. Slam into the line... No. Fumbled snap... please just recover it, ok... my heart is beating again. McGuffie over the left side.... HE'S IN!!!! 27 straight points!!!

Hold on. The final five minutes are an eternity. Brandon Graham explodes. Wisconsin throws two certain picks that end up catches... Fumble!!!!! One first down is all we need. Wisky has three timeouts...

No really, hold on. Wisky calls a perfect screen at the perfect time and Hill rumbles. We're not blitzing for some reason now... they march and score, crap there were two defenders there! We can still win. Oh no. Flag? Flag.... YES!!!! Now for the love of all that is sacred, come after him, bring the house at him... he's rushed, ball towards the back of the endzone.... Incomplete! Onside kick out of bounds! BALLGAME!

Largest comeback in Michigan Stadium history. There are wins, and there are season changing wins. This, my friends, is a season changing win. God bless every one of your cotton' pickin' Maize and Blue hearts. No one wants to leave right now, we simply sit and soak it in.

(AP Photo/Tony Ding)

(AP Photo/Carlos Osorio)

BTB Roundtable Questions: BS, man, complete BS

Our friends over at Boiled Sports are hosting this week, after being displaced by that unholy bastard Ike over the past few weeks. They're all ok though, which is really a double edged sword, because being ok means still subjecting us to their posting (I keed, I keed). They are, at any rate, Indiana native and baseball fans, so I suppose that's good enough for me.

On to the questions!

1) We're all car guys here at BS. So your task is to assign your own program a vehicle. Is Purdue an all-terrain vehicle like a Jeep or a Hummer? Something befitting a brawny Boilermaker? Is Ohio State a slow, conversion van being passed by Corvettes with USC markings? Is IU a John Deere tractor with a hillbilly riding on it? Get creative and let us know both what your school is if it’s a car as well as assigning a vehicle to as many of the other Big Ten schools as you like. (I’d require you to do them all but I know attention spans are short and counting to 11 is hard.)

So far in this blog's short history, we've avoided falling into the trap of "Big Ten teams as..." posts. Big Ten teams as Simpson's Characters! Big Ten teams as TV Networks! Big Ten teams as Porn Stars!: They're all tiresome and tedious. Except maybe that last one, but this is an upstanding family site you disgusting fuckwad. We'll play along here though, and for extra credit we'll do all eleven Big Ten teams as "modes of transportation."

Illinois: The Dodo. If you've played GTAIII (yes, the one for PS2) you know exactly what I'm talking about. You're playing this game, right, and it's unlike any other game you've played. It's sweet - you can kill old ladies, drive any vehicle on the map, and wreak havoc in a realistic feeling city. Then, when you think things can't get any better, you stumble upon this, mockingly called "The Dodo"

The Biggest Cock-Tease in Video Game History

Oh sure, you can get it, and you can drive it. But just try to get off the ground for any discernible distance. Go ahead. We dare you. Fucking hell, RockStar, would it have been that difficult to let you fly the damn thing? Just like Illinois, the thing looks sweet, and runs fine on the ground, but as soon as you try to do anything through the air it locks up and ends in a heaping fireball of twisted fury and a PS2 controller slammed viciously against the floor.

Indiana: Man, I just don't know what to say here. The cliche would be to go with the tractor, both because Indiana loves them some farmin' and the overall velocity of a tractor matches that of the Indiana program. I can't go cliche, so I'll go with the first thing that google images pops up when I type in "Indiana University and Car." Indiana, this is your vehicle:

That doesn't look like Indiana at all!

Odd, since that appears to be the Golden Gate bridge in the background, but also kinda fitting. I mean, that's a classic car that is probably fun to drive. You're not going to get anywhere fast, and I probably wouldn't take it out of the garage on a rainy day, but hey, on a perfect day going downhill, it can probably get you safely to a bowl game.

Iowa: The first thing that popped into my head when I though "Iowa" was this, offered without caption or comment:

Michigan: I think this is going to be a popular response, given the nature of the program right now, but what the hell. Michigan, this is yo' ride:
You just know that thing's got a kickin' V8 in there capabable of putting out a gazillion horsepower. But right now, it's just a rusty lump stuck in park. Wait until Rodriguez goes all Xhibit up on that peice.

Michigan State: I own a Saab, which is among the most frustrating things I've ever done. Oh sure, it looks nice, and wow that turbo is pretty cool too. But, uh, it worked right for about the first 5,000 miles. Since then? Nothing but breakdowns and screwups. Michigan State: You aren't just any Saab, you're my Saab, currently with the Check Engine light aglow and readings that say "multi-cylinder misfire." You're still in your first 5,000 miles; I'm waiting for the inevitible breakdown.

Minnesota: The mall escalator. They're the up side so far, but sooner or later, you've gotta get off that puppy and head back down. I mean, they only go two directions.

Northwestern: Growing up in Indiana, I thought the Corvette was the end-all-be-all of sports cars, and I still love them. After moving out to Boston, and to a lesser extent traveling to Los Angeles, London, and Las Vegas somewhat frequently, I've realized that Corvettes are actually kind of "blah" in the Sports Car realm. You want to show some money? You'd better get that Ferrari or Maserati. I'm pretty good friends with a few NBA players as well - and they wouldn't be caught dead in a Corvette, preferring the white-on-white Bentley, or whatever vehicle was most recently refrenced in the current hip-hop track (I'm not even joking about this). What I'm trying to say is that Corvettes are for older folks who can't afford a 6 figure sports car, grew up in the midwest, and vote staunchly Republican. But here's the thing: A Corvette will blow the doors off of any stock car that you see driving around, including those 6 figure Bentley coupes. To the programs who consider themselves in that "6 figure" range, I would issue a very stern "be careful" when you see that awkwardly purple Corvette pull alongside you at the red light. You might just get torched.
Why Purple? No really, Why?

Ohio State: Still the class of the Big Ten, but I'll let a classic post from the now defunct "mzone" take it from here:

"So, what's it like to travel in style as a Buckeye fan? Check out the pic below that MZone reader Tom sent our way of a Buckeye named "Brad" cruising the streets of Ohio in his sweet-ass ride...
Folks, it's not just the $4 dollar window flag on Brad's bitchin' Cavalier proudly proclaiming his Buckeye pride that lets the ladies know they're hanging with a smooth operator. No, sirree. It's the personalized license plate and the bumper stickers that tell the story of the man behind the wheel of this Buckeye babe machine.

Being a safety guy, the bumper sticker on the left promotes seat belt use and reads, "Please stick it in...it's the law." Get it? "Stick it in." Oh, Brad. Brad, Brad, Brad. You sly master of the double entendre, you.

The bumper sticker on the right says, "Tell your boobs to stop staring at my eyes." Brad-meister. Goddamn, you funny, funny, motherfucker. Shit, my side hurts. Actually both sides - one for each bumper sticker.

And how does the owner of a kick-ass Cav like this one top the double whammy of bumper sticker brilliance: Bam! - personalized license plate. First, he gets the one with the Ohio State logo, you know, to match the window flag. Check. Then, after standing for hours at the Bureau of Motor Vehicles thinking, mulling, trying to come up with the perfect topper to his pussy wagon, Brad strikes gold: BRAD69.

Naturally, Brad can barely contain himself upon hearing it's not already taken. Surely some other Brad - every other Brad - had to have scooped this up years ago. But, alas, no, Brad, you are the one. The chosen one.

Duh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-NUH! Go Bucks? Not today.

Go Brad!"

Thanks, Mzone.

Penn State: Last week, I wrote that the tag line for Penn State this year should be "I can't believe this offense is working either." What vehicle perfectly matches that? How about this:

Every time this thing starts, I'm amazed, but man oh man, once it's goin' it can sure mow down opponents, provided they're not over 6" tall and made of soft, fluffy grass. Either way, this thing's pretty useless once the grass stops growing, which should be around October 1st.

Purdue:
Awww, that's cute. Why don't you let me know when you get a real vehicle capable of actually going somewhere.

Wisconsin: Wisconsin is a pickup truck. Not built for speed, or stealth, or really anything other than utility. But it runs all the time, has some power, and will totally help you move provided you give them a 6 pack at the end of the day.

2) In Week 1 in the NFL, the New England Patriots learned how precious things can be when Tom Brady had his knee blown out by a former Boilermaker. Let's say your team wins out from here to the end and is in a BCS bowl game with a chance to do the school and conference proud – what ONE player on your squad would you most likely cry about having his knee blown out in the first quarter? That is, who is truly indispensable?

Going through every team so far has been tedious, so I'll name just a few players who I believe are truly indispensable for teams thus far:

Beanie Wells - OSU
C.J. Bacher - Northwestern
Javon Ringer - MSU
Kellen Lewis - Indiana
Juice Williams - Illinois

Really, that's all I can think of. This answer probably won't win any awards, but I need to get to work at some point today.

3) Purdue plays Notre Dame this week and, well, we detest Notre Dame like probably no other program. Let's say I have the power to force you (maybe you lost a bet to me) to wear another Big Ten school's colors to an away game for that team. That is, you're wearing OSU colors to a game being played at Michigan, or something like that. And I'm talking, dorky, head-to-toe… goofy-ass sweatshirts and flat-brimmed, ridiculous-looking hats. If you have to choose, which program would you be able to stomach wearing? (Remember, you're going to an away game, so people won't like you and accept you and you'll be taking this abuse for a school you're not even affiliated with.) And by the same token, what program could you absolutely not EVER stomach wearing, under any circumstances?

I actually wear IU gear during Basketball season (don't kill me, BS!), so I'm all for the Hoosiers. I would never wear Ohio State gear, but had an awkward experience involving Greg Oden during which I had to pretend to be an Ohio State fan. I vomited violently afterwards. I don't understand how Ohio State fans can stand that taste. Seriously, it's like cabbage and cigarette butts.

4) I like big butts and I can not lie. Share your embarrassing guilty pleasure music selection that you know other people might laugh at. Bonus points if you can send a YouTube video of an awful music video with it. Many/most of us grew up and/or went to college in the '80s and '90s so I know you've all got some Nelson After The Rain on the iPod.

I have an entire playlist dedicated to "monster-ballads" on my iPod. I don't even like Poison, but "Every Rose has its Thorn" gets me every time.

Your Weekend Guide

Let's take a run down the Big 10 and see what's going to capture the interest of the nation... er, the region.... ok, just the fan bases, tomorrow.

1. Ball State at Indiana - CLASH OF THE UNDEFEATED INDIANA TITANS! You just know it'll be a sea of red at Memorial Stadium when the Cardinals and Nate Davis roll into town. Item that may surprise you? The nation's leading receiver will be playing in this game: Dante Love (yes!) of Ball State.

2. Iowa at Pitt - Martin Scorsese would say "where's the drama?" The answer? Not here. Surprising item? Iowa has outscored it's first three opponents 105-8... which says a lot more about Iowa's opponents than it does about Iowa.

3. notre @#$@% dame at Michigan State - If Michigan State doesn't win this football game, I will be desperately searching for an internet stream of Mike Valenti's show on Monday... aaaaaaaaaaagggggggaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnn! Remember folks, timeouts aren't like cell phone minutes, they don't carry over! If only MSU had actually gone ahead and hired H.R. Pufnstuf and Teddy Ruxpin.

Under Smoke Raider Zone!

4. FAU at Minnesota - Howard Schnellenberger, Howard Schnellenberger, and Howard Schnellenberger. Minnesota is 300% better than last ye... ok you know what, nevermind, you're not going to watch this, I'm not going to watch this, let's just move on.

5. Ohio at Northwestern - Northwestern hasn't gone undefeated in non-conference play since 1962... Ohio hasn't won this season... something has to give!

6. Troy at Ohio State - I hate saying I told you so... Ohio State has never played Troy, Chris Wells continues to sit on the sidelines, and now panicking buckeyes are wondering if they should start playing Pryor instead of Boeckman to get the kid experience. The world is simply a better place when Buckeye fans worry. If Troy hangs tough in the first half of this football game, look for all of Columbus to assume a fetal position.

7. Temple at Penn State - Four straight games of this:

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.... even better than brains

8. Central Michigan at Purdue - 3rd time these teams meet within a year... last time 99 points were scored... that's about all I got here.

9. Wisconsin vs Moped Horseplay - Bret Bielema: Master of Discipline!

10. Michigan vs Fumbilitis - I'm recommending a seven day course of Ceftriaxone and a really hefty dose of McGuffie...

WHAT TO WATCH THIS WEEKEND -


Flip around, enjoy, and go USA!

The Only Game That Matters Presents: Dealing with Peer Pressure

We here at TOGTM know the pressures facing our young people today, what with the cars, the women, the booze, the google, and the smack, and the crank, and the...aw, hell Canadian kids, take it away:


As such, we consider it an obligation to warn today's youth about the dangers of modern society with a little segments called "The Only Game That Matters Presents." Today's topic: Peer Pressure.

Scene: Hotel Room, College Park, Maryland, 8:32 PM.



What up, Jaaaaaahvid Best of the Cal Bears? What's crackin'?





Nothin, man, just tryin to get some rest for the big game tomorrow.





(grabbing the TV remote) I got what you need right here, dog, it'll make you feel hiiiiiiiigh.





Jahvid Best: Nah man, can't do it. Coach says lights out at 10 PM.







Come on, dog, ain't nobody gonna know. This shit's for real, feel me?





Can't do it. Hey, how'd you guys get in here anyways? Do I know you?





Come on, dude, few sips and we'll be rollin', watchin' True Blood on the free HB-hizzle. You ever seen that vampire shit all fucked up? Man it will fuck with you, I promise.



No, seriously, how'd you guys get...wait...True Blood? That's the show that everybody's watching now?




Yeah, dog, it's that show about a telepathic waitress in Louisiana who has to deal with Vampires because they've always been around, and have just now come out into the open, while at the same time having to break stereotypes about the deep South despite being comically surrounded by caricatures of those exact stereotypes. Oh, and he drives home the "vampires are really gay people in modern society" metaphor so hard that it hurts. It's so bad that it will fuck witchu.





Alright man, a few sips and we'll watch True Blood, but that's it, man. I'm still not sure how you guys got in here.



The young men pass around the bottle, drinking fully and selfishly, eager to watch the hot new show True Blood.

2 hours later



(slurring) aiiight. it's timee wee gett on up outta heere





(speaking rapidly, with wild eyes) Guys, guys, guys. I'm scared, guys. Don't leave now.





I knnow, dogg, I told yooou that shit would fuck witchu.





I knew it was bad, but when you actually watch that shit, it's soul-punishing.






Here, dude, take another hit. (passes the bottle)





Dude, I've got to...ease the pain...that show is terrible.






I got what you need right here



Passes Jahvid the bottle, who immediately drains it and passes out with nightmares of horribly acted Southern accents and a weak, played Vampire theme.

The next day at the big game:


(between heaves) I knew I shouldn't have listened to those guys. I've learned the hard way to avoid peer pressure - just because everyone's watching True Blood doesn't mean I have to!


Friends, don't let this happen to you, or someone you love. Don't watch True Blood. It's horrible. It turns out that Jahvid was just drinking water with those two anyways.

Preview: Wisconsin vs. Fresno State

Wisconsin and Fresno tee off at 10:30 PM ET this Saturday, providing a nice nightcap to a slate of Saturday games that look to be wildly entertaining. Since there's no reputable Wisconsin blogger, the onus falls on yours truly to provide insight into the matchup. Ok, maybe not insight. Maybe just a bunch of things to look for. Whatev.

When Wisconsin has the ball:

Look for a heavy dose of the running game. To date, the rushing attack is ripping off 5.46 yards/carry, impressive by anyone's standards. The lead rusher, PJ Hill, has 267 yards through two games, 4 TD's, and over 6 YPC. He has seemingly been around forever and is the Badgers main mode of offensive transportation. He goes up against a Fresno State defense that allowed over 100 yards rushing to the Ray Riceless Scarlet Knights. Wisconsin's run game could be considered good, and when good goes up against shaky, the result is often 167 yards on 23 carries.

Senior quarterback Allan Evridge continues the long, proud tradition of plodding white Wisconsin Quarterbacks, and looks oddly like Drew Brees. He hasn't been asked to do much thus far, averaging 16 throws per game, but this weekend he gets his favorite target, and probably the best downfield threat back in the hulking form of world beating tighet end Travis Beckum. Beckum was good enough to go into the NFL last season, and decided to stay for his senior year. He was rewarded by having to sit out the first two games of the season with a lingering Hamstring injury. Evridge has, thus far agianst cupcakes, made pretty good decisions with the ball. Now that he has a receiver (ok, fine, Tight End) who can go up and get it, I look for downfield passing to be a little more prevalent. Of course, by more prevalent, I mean more than just 16 attempts. The run game should still dominate the offensive playcalling.

Defensively, Fresno State is kinda bi-polar. Sure, they only allowed 7 points against Rutgers, which is positive. But then again, it's Rutgers (-1), Rutgers without Ray Rice (-2), and Rutgers who failed to get into the endzone twice despite being comfortably in the red zone (-3). For all the things that Wisconsin isn't (fast, athletic, an SEC team...) they are well coached, and very (from what little I've seem) mechanically sound. The way Wisconsin beats you is by drilling, and drilling, and drilling, until finally you ask for mercy only to discover that they've slowly drilled right into the endzone for a touchdown. Sometimes (see: Akron, Marshall) it takes awhile for the machine to get cranked up, but once it does, man does it wear on you.

Wisconsin's offense has been very, very good at staying on the field, posting a 57% 3rd down conversion rate - good for 2nd in the Big Ten. In order for Fresno State to be effective defensively, they will have to get Wisconsin in long, obvious passing third downs. When you have a runningback like PJ Hill ripping of 6 YPC, this is very difficult to do. Obviously, stopping him has to be at the top of Fresno State "to-do" list. Statistically, that onus looks to fall on a Freshman named Kyle Knox, who racked up 7 tackles against Rutgers, including 3 TFL's and 1 sack. Again: Rutgers. It will be interesting to see how he matches up against a much more physically imposing Wisconsin team. The other player to watch for is Marvin Haynes, who picked off Rutgers twice(!) in the opening game. The fact that he only had 1 tackle to go with those 2 picks shows me that the Rutgers offense wised up, and stopped trying to throw the ball in his direction.

The primary matchup here is the Wisconsin run offense vs. the Fresno State run defense. If the defense starts letting PJ Hill go 4-5 YPC, they will be in serious trouble. If the defense can hold Wisconsin to obvious passing downs, then they have a decent shot at getting off the field.

When Fresno State Has The Ball:
Senior Quarterback Tom Brandstater threw the ball 24 times against Rutgers, and only 11 times did that ball go to the intended receiver. All other times, it dropped harmlessly to the ground. The quarterback, he is...notsogood. Sophomore running back Ryan Matthews, however, ran for 167 yards in his debut, shredding the Scarlet Knights for 6,7 YPC. The method for victory here is simple: get Ryan Matthews the ball and don't let Brandstater throw. Easy right?

The Wisconsin pass defense has been relatively "meh" this year - allowing an average of 233 yards per game through the air. Luckily for them, I don't see Brandstater really making them pay - although if Akron and Marshall can put up over 200 through the air, there's no telling what is possible. Where the Wisconsin defense shows its teeth is on the ground. They are averaging a measly 72 rushing yards allowed per game - good for 4th in the Big Ten. Fresno State is going to have a tough time pushing around that defensive front 7.

Prediction to Make me Look Stupid:

In every catagory that I can see, Wisconsin has the advantage. Better defense, better offense. This is, however, college football, which has a nasty habit of taking those advantages and throwing them right into the Pacific Ocean when Big Ten teams travel West. Fresno State has, over the past few years, played good teams very tough - coming within 3 points or Oregon, and 8 of USC in 2005 and '06 respectively. They went to Hawaii and won in '05. This time, they get a top ten team at home, which may be just enough to put them over the edge. Plus this is their coach:

You don't fuck with that facial hair.

Intangibles, however, are like ghosts. Just as soon as you start relying on them to be there for you, they up and leave, making you wonder if they even existed at all. Intangibles exist - make no mistake - but predicting the outcome of games based solely on these whisps of fate is bad business. Wisconsin has a better team, plain and simple. Those pesky intangibles do align for Fresno - but whether they actually show up is another questions.

Wisconsin rolls.

The Two Guys Using Logic Poll…

Brought to you by Beauford and Champ. No, we’re not in any particular poll guild or league that will combine our individual thoughts into some larger consortium and produce a super-poll that is greater than the sum of its individual parts. Rather, it’s just us… which is fine. Here’s how it’ll work. Each week B-squared and I will each come up with our version of the Logic Poll and compare. We will then tally up each team’s rank in each of our polls and add it together… lowest cumulative total is ranked highest, and we go on down the line. If two teams happen to tie at the end of the season, B2 and I will retreat to our bat-cave and determine which team is deserving of a higher rank through a complex process of coin-flips and arguments filled with hyperbole.

If there is a large disagreement in rank for a particular team between our two submissions… like, I don’t know… say Penn State for example, you know just for example’s sake and all. Anyways, if there’s a discrepancy then we will attempt to give you, the reader, some kind of justification for why we think that team is much better/worse than the other seems to. I know you can feel the excitement building can’t you?

Yes, I can barely contain myself; I haven’t been this excited since Tim Dwight learned how to catch punts and we decided to put feathery things on our jerseys...




My goodness, it's Hayden Fry! Welcome! That was quite a look coach…

Your damn right it was, pink locker-room, feathers, mandatory dresses for Saturday morning walk-throughs, by God whatever it took to win… Now get back to your poll.


Alright.

Wait... just how do you handle if one team is unranked in one half of your poll but ranked in the other?



Good question coach. Unranked gets a total 26 added for the unranked value (arbitrary as hell) and a big asterisk in front of their name so that we make sure to consider that the following week. Hopefully, the number of asterisks diminishes as time goes on... naturally, however, towards the bottom of the Top 25 there's going to be some.


Fair enough, we settled disputes for starting roles by having players pillow-fight in the visiting locker-room, but your idea could work too. Continue on.


Alrighty. So here’s the official preseason Logic Poll brought to you by Beauford and Champ (ties stand for now because, frankly, it'll all work out as we get on down the road):

1. University of Ohio State (2)
2. Oklahoma (5)
2. USC (5)
4. Georgia (8)
5. Florida (11)
5. Missouri (11)
7. Clemson (14)
8. West Virginia (18)
9. LSU (20)
10. Texas (22)
11. Va Tech (24)
12. Penn State (26)
12. Auburn (26)
14. BYU (31)
15. Wisconsin (33)
15. South Florida (33)
17. Tennessee (34)
18. Texas Tech (37)
18. Utah (37)
20. ** Arizona State (39)
21. Wake Forest (40)
22. ** Kansas (41)
23. Michigan (45)
23. Oregon (45)
25. ** Cal (47)
------- Others Receiving Consideration-------
- Central Michigan (49)
- Michigan State (51)

So there you have it! Preseason fillibustering at its best. Now for the airing of grievances:

A. Penn State... Beauford says they're a top ten team because they'll likely finish second in the Big 10... Champ politely disagrees and thinks that extreme caution should be exercised on highly ranking any team with Jay Paterno involved, especially when it has a "new" offense, no experience at quarterback, and no real offensive playmakers to speak of... oh and their defense continues to break extremities and such. Penn State ends up 12th in the preseason poll, which is still six spots too high. Of course if they get past the Beavers of Oregon State, they play nobody until a buzz-saw of Wisconsin, Michigan, and Ohio State all in a row.

B. West Virginia - Blue-light special here... both Beauford and I think that WVU could be in for a significant case of Bobby Williams Fever here in a month or two. We rank them up in the Top 10 thanks to another paint-peeling performance in a bowl game, but let's just say that we doubt Bill Stewart's ability just a tad... particularly now that nearly the entire staff is gone, gone, gone.

C. South Florida... Beauford has them in the top 10... they end up 15th in our preseason poll largely due to my placing them near the bottom of the Top 25. I happen to think there are more than only 8 or 9 teams out there that would beat South Florida, perhaps they'll prove me wrong.

D. Arizona State... I had them in the top 15 because they're a decent football team in a crappy conference. We'll see what happens.

Buckeyes; Spartans; Utes; ah, heck, just about anybody: Commence Trashtalk Now

Arg, formatting issues...just click to make larger.


Image taken directly from the official merchandise store of the Michigan Wolverines: the Mden.

If you can't laugh at this you're not human. Champ, apparently, is not human.

Alex Trebek Answers the Big Ten Roundtable

Gopher Nation - guest of blog; friend of blog; all around good guy - has decided that it's about time the Big Ten Bloggers got together to discuss some very important issues regarding the rivalries that exist within our glorious conference. Of course, neither Champ nor I are intelligent enough to run through the mental gauntlet set up by our Gopher-clad friend. As such, we've gotten another friend of the blog to weigh in. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Alex Trebek.



Thanks for agreeing to answer these questions in a completely fictitious setting, Alex.




What is, no problem at all, I'm glad I could fictitiously be here?




Um...Alex, why are you taking your shirt off?





What is, you should see what I'm wearing under the table...or not wearing?



That'll be fine, Alex, why don't you just sit back down, and um, not do that again. Also, you don't have to answer in question form.




Who was Josef Stalin?



What are you talking about? Should we just get started?




Incorrect, the correct answer was Communist Bastard.



Right. Let's get started.




And the categories are...


ESPN's Adam Rittenberg recently ranked the top 5 rivalries in the Big Ten and there were some controversial results (Illinois v Ohio State as #3?). Clearly Ohio State vs. Michigan is the #1 rivalry in the Big Ten, but give me your next three. Your school does not have to be included in this list, but regardless of who you choose defend your picks.


Ohio State vs. Michigan? Number one? Laughable. The top three rivalries are, in specific order, Roosevelt vs. Hitler, Sodium Hypochlorite vs. Hydrochloric Acid, and finally, Grammatical accuracy vs. Grammatical style.



We were talking about the Big Ten.


Incorrect. First, Roosevelt vs. Hitler is a well known rivalry dating back to 1945, when Hitler installed a countdown clock in the fuhrerbunker outside of Berlin. It was in response to Roosevelt calling Germany America's "little brother."

Second, we have Sodium Hypochlorite, better known as bleach, vs. Hydrochloric Acid. When mixed together, the two react to create Chlorine Gas - lethal even in small doses. You can't even put these two in a bowl game without them literally killing everyone in attendance.



Mr. Trebek, could we please get back to the Big Ten...


Thirdly, the everlasting argument and bane of every writing student ever. This one goes far beyond split infinitives to include all grammatical rules. Can you end a sentence with a preposition? Can you split an infinitive if the situation calls for it? This one rages on - bitter to the very end.



None of these answers are going to be about football, are they?




What is, no?


Why do you answer these "side" questions in "Jeopardy" format, but not the main questions?




What is, it's much easier to write?

Correct. Next question: Obviously winning every game is important and beating really good teams sends a stronger message than beating Minnesota. Assume every team is .500 this year and the outcome of your next two games means nothing outside of pride and a year's worth of bragging rights. Give me the two schools you would want to beat (in order) and why. What makes beating School's A and B significant?


What a complicated question...you know who I really wanted to beat? That smarmy asshole Ken Jennings. You should have seen him backstage, taking all the groupie-poon from yours truly.



Wait a second, there are Jeopardy groupies?



Why do you think I'm not wearing pants? And now that Ken's finally gone, I'm back in the game.


Right. The next question was going to be "take the two teams from above that you claim are your biggest rivals and give me a new mascot for them." But clearly...




...Achurum carinatum



What?




Longheaded Tooth-Pick Grasshopper.

Ummm...right. Next question: There are some new rules in college football this year. My favorite is the Big Ten experimental rule which states that after every win this year you get to pluck one player off their roster and bring them back to your campus. Looking at your schedule give me two players you would pluck (assuming a win), why you would take them and what would you do with them?



Given that this is a non team specific blog, I suppose the correct answer would be to just pick the two best players in the Big Ten this year. I would take Beanie Wells and James Laurinaitis, both from Ohio State. I think Beanie is the most physical running back in the league this year, and the offensive line behind which he runs will provide excellent gaps. On the defensive side of the ball, Laurinaitis provides the exact kind of leadership I want out of my Mike Linebacker position. I fully expect him to learn to shed blocks a little better this year, and as such, he should be a terror in the middle.


Wow...that was remarkably well thought out. I'm glad we got at least one coherent answer.




Answer...Daily Double.



Thanks for dropping by today, Alex, it was...interesting.




Incorrect, the correct answer was Cork, Ireland.



Right...




Where are my pants?

OMG Shirtless

With a hearty terrorist fist jab to Brian at mgoblog, I present to you a man who's academic integrity could never be questioned:



He's narrowed his list to Stanford, Rice, and (oddly) Texas A&M.

While I Was Out

So, I promised that content may be sparse, but wouldn't be non-existent (double negative what?). I lied. I also forgot the power-cord to my laptop, rendering it a paperweight that had to be removed from its bag at airport security. I grumbled. A lot.

And so, the great content outage of 2008 has come to a conclusion [ed: there will be plenty more where that came from...], and I think we've all learned something. Something vague. Something that would be found in an episode of "Scrubs" while a semi-obscure Indie Rock song played. We've learned that even Dr. Cox can find his tender, humanitarian side, by simply observing the hope and faith that surrounds him every day, instead of the death and despair.

Sorry about that - I watched 3 episodes of Scrubs yesterday on a JetBlue flight from Vegas.

Anyways, the world continued while I was away, and here's what happened:

Urban Meyer was a mess after losing to Michigan in the Capital One bowl. His wife would walk in on Urban in the bathroom with mascara streaking his defined cheekbones just trying to keep it all together, man. Often times, he would wake up and stare at the ceiling listlessly while murmuring "Big Ten Speed." He would then laugh maniacally.

In all seriousness, it was apparently a quote from the venerable Fielding Yost that got him through the loss, to which we say "Bully!"

Speaking of Michigan there has been wild speculation as to the new uniforms, and what - if anything - Adidas is going to change. Mgoblog posted this


and this


as possible new uniforms, but Phil from UMgoblue.com says otherwise:

"I have just seen the official Adidas images of the authentic home & away jerseys.

As much as I begged I couldn't get the images (they're under embargo) but they are *not* what is shown in this thread or at the Women's football academy.

I'll describe them as much as best I can.

The home jerseys have a maize block "M" on the shoulder, the number is a little thicker and seems to be placed a little higher than on past jerseys. There's also a small (1/4 inch wide by 1-2 inch) vertical maize strip running down from the collar that has Michigan in blue.

The away jerseys have a thin maize piping straight across the chest. There also have a small maize strip on the back of the collar that says Michigan in blue.

Both have a small Adidas logo on the front.

The images I saw were front and back shots."

and this

"No joke. The images I saw were described to me as game authentic jerseys for publication in a catalog of *official* merchandise. They didn't know the official release date but speculated mid-July.

My gut impression was that I liked the away jerseys- I've always had no problem with them tweaking it a little bit every year.

My first thought after seeing the home jersey was, "And people freaked out when they saw the (fake) away jerseys."

Let me point out that probably 10-12 years ago Nike did an embossed "M" on both shoulders. You could only see it if you saw a jersey up close in person.

I don't know what to think about the home jersey yet. I'm trying to get my hands on a real one before I decide.

I've looked all over the web and haven't seen anything like I saw. "

and this

"Got another look today. There is a *chance* the official images may be available online mid-July. Published images will be available in late July - early August time frame.


Correction: The small stripe running down from the back of each collar has a Block "M" on it rather than saying Michigan. The Adidas logo is above the number."

This has lead to speculation on what they'll look like, and some enterprising photoshoppers have taken their best crack:

According to Phil, the second attempt is much closer. Take a look at the entire thread here. There is a little more info to be culled for those inclined.

Vegas odds are...odd but also pretty close to what we all assume the top 25 will look like when it is released. As I said, I was in Las Vegas these past few days, and stumbled up to the Mirage sports book, where a man was kind enough to print off early odds for the BCS Championship Game. They are as follows:

USC 2/1
Ohio State 4/1
Florida 5/1
Georgia 5/1
Oklahoma 6/1
Missouri 12/1
Texas 15/1
LSU 20/1
West Virginia 20/1
Clemson 25/1
VA Tech 30/1
Auburn 30/1
Kansas 40/1
Tennessee 40/1
Wisconsin 40/1
Arizona State 40/1
Illinois 40/1
Michigan 40/1
Notre Dame 40/1
Penn State 40/1
California 50/1
Texas Tech 50/1
Florida State 70/1

And so on. This, of course, tells us jack about the upcoming season, but for those people scrambling to get on Michigan's bandwagon (no really, they were hear a minute ago. Guys? Guys?) because of that article that came out saying only 9 teams had better odds? Um...better recount that. I see 12 teams with better odds, and a whole slew of teams right at 40/1 which tells me that Vegas doesn't know where the hell to put Michigan, so they're not taking a bath if UM turns out to be really good. I was going to bold out the weird picks, but then I remembered it's Vegas, and they've got a reason for everything. FWIW, I put $20 on Georgia at 5/1.

We've always been friendly with BHGP. We even use them as a witness (not like in court, but like "can I get a witnessss? can I get a witnessssss?) on the sidebar. But this time, they've gone too far, and will pay. I've got to go clean my verbal scattergun, but when I get back, there will be blood.

OPS: This is my serious face.

TP: Diaper Dandy. No, Really.

"I knew I should have gone to Michigan..."

OMG recruit commit Terrelle Pryor spent his first few days as a Buckeye in diapers.

Literally.

As a part of some sort of ritualistic hazing biometric technology study, Terrelle was stripped of his clothing, and forced to wear the blue diaper thingy you see above. Now, if it were Beauford up there gettin' all that fancy testin', that diaper would have to be much, much bigger (hey-oh!).

The dots represent anatomical points that will appear on a computer used to map Terrelle's specific movements. This technology should sound familiar to video gamers; motion capture technology has been around for quite some time. Instead of using this data to graphically represent Terrelle breaking you on NCAA 2010, it will be used by Ohio State to better understand the stresses Terrelle will place on various anatomical trouble points, and will presumably aid in injury prevention.

In related news, Ohio State University has now partnered with the U.S.S.R. in a groundbreaking study of athletics and kineseology.

Whatever he hits, he destroys!

HT to Ozone for the pic.

How to Spell Like a Buckeye

That is all. Thank you, Mzone.

Des Moines… it’s in Indiana or something

Little Spinal Tap for everyone there to get us off on the right foot. And yes Iowa faithful, I know that the University of Iowa is located in Iowa City, thank you.

Hey, remember when there were at least two separate occasions last November where Michigan fans like me were trying to come to grips with LOUD rumors of Kirk Ferentz to Ann Arbor?? Oh I can shrug and smile now, but those days were some of the worst in recent memory. I recall how it began…

(A gentle waking to a cool gray late autumn/early winter morning)… stretchhhhhhhh… yawn, scratch, perhaps I’ll have some Smart Start today, that Special K just doesn’t get it done anymore, ah good the coffee’s done, let’s just set this down while I just check out the ol’ rumor monger machine shall we? JESUS TAPDANCING CHRIST! Who in the name of Bump Fucking Elliot are we looking at? Kirk Ferentz… (hits refresh)… not joking… (refreshes again)… but wha… no way… we’ll be fine, I’m going to enjoy this fine java while I wait for the “har-har just kidding here” PBBBBBBBBBBBBTTGHHHHHHHH! Oh it burns! It burns!! Wait what do you mean there’s a goddamn flight that was tracked from Cedar Rapids to Ann Arbor, they have PLANES in Cedar Rapids?! It’s not conceivable, (refresh) (refresh) (refresh) repeat for 8 hours a day until rumors subside… which oh by the way was somewhere near 9045 years… Not since Tim Dwight scared the ever loving bejeezus out of me in ’97 have I been that terrified of something from Iowa... so anyways, yeah on to the Hawkeyes, alright!

1. One thing the media will harp on that is ridiculously off base – Let’s get back to our friend Kirk Ferentz for a quick second… The media seems to constantly portray this guy as a worker of miracles with “lesser talent”. Hey, I’ll give him all kinds of credit for his three year run that started in ’02, but uh… other than that burst of success, in the always fair and objective game of college football, his last three seasons have left a lot to be desired. That’s 1-game-above-.500 level of desire by the way. Iowa had a top 10 or top 15 recruiting class in 2005, they should be coming into the prime of their careers this season, but uh… through either horrific character misjudgment or even worse luck with injuries, I wouldn’t say that the excitement is brimming over at this point. I’m not saying Ferentz is to blame for all of the problems with the program, but uh, there have been more than a few, and at some point don’t you have to look at the coach? The media won’t, they’ll extol him as a great molder of talent if Iowa shows as much as a pulse this season, but I wonder how much patience Iowa fans really have at this point.

2. One thing the media will completely ignore that is integral to this team's success – First things first, Iowa gets out of playing both the Buckeyes and the Wolverines this year, which is the greatest gift the Big 10 can give to a team. Actually on the field the slotted starters on the O-line are looking like they’ll play different positions from where they were respectively last season. Seeing as how Iowa’s O-line was somewhere between god-awful and “Michigan-against-Ohio-State-Non-Existent” last season, perhaps this shakeup was the only real option/idea the Iowa coaching staff had. Oh, yeah, and THERE’S A BATTLE AT CENTER!!! YAH!!! Kirk Ferentz has a freshman son who might play center someday too! Holy crap! Center love all around!! In all seriousness though, there is experience here, if they can somehow be even a serviceable unit, Iowa will be a much better offensive football team than the 2007 version… which was 110^th in the nation in scoring offense (wow). Oh oh, and the scoring defense? 12^th… I’m sure the team meetings were a BLAST for the O last year!

3. Most important contributors on each side of the ball – In case you haven’t noticed, I LOATHE picking the quarterback in this section, but I have to here. Iowa has no discernible talent at running back that is capable of even walking right now. They do however have a surprisingly well stocked cabinet of wide-receivers though. They will be worthless if Christensen or Ricky Stanzi (which is perhaps the most polar opposite name of Bronco Nagurski that one could ever have) can’t get them the football. The rushing game will also be hapless without the threat of danger through the air. Defensively? Iowa has always had at least one linebacker on the field that is nothing but a guy who goes out and flat out makes plays, and I don’t think there’s any reason that’ll be different this year, and the few times I saw Iowa play last season (key word: FEW) A.J. Edds looked impressive.

4. Area that scares you as an opponent – Iowa was on their way to closing out the season on a bit of a high note before choking on applesauce against Western Michigan. Perhaps the Hawkeyes were starting to figure a few things out? They scored 120 points in their first 8 games and managed to get to 102 in their final four… I’m reaching I know.

5. Area that makes you salivate as an opponent – Hey did you hear that Iowa lost 17 players from its 2007 roster? Oh, oh yeah, and right now this is their running back:

I mean when I hear Paki O’Meara, I guess this comes to mind…

6. Random factor that you think will come into play this season – Remember how Iowa had that bit of success years ago and all of a sudden they were the chic pick every year with Drew Tate to be the team to beat in the Big 10… and they pretty much were as far from that as possible? Well now with the glare of expectations out of the way, perhaps Iowa will have the chance to sneak up on some people. If they get any kind of a running back, the offense has nowhere to go but up.

7. Overall Record – 7-5, Iowa heads back to the bowls, but not by too big of a margin.

8. Final Big Ten Standing – There are a number of teams in the conference that are simply more complete football teams than Iowa right now, missing out on Ohio State and Michigan is a gift, but I still don’t think Iowa is going to be much more than a .500 Big 10 team. Call it 4-4 again this season, which I’ll say is good for a big ol’ tie in the middle of the conference in the 5-6-7 range.

9. Bowl Game Destination – I guess that’d mean either the Motor City Bowl or the Insight Bowl??? Something like that…

"I-owe-uhhh...Zach ten dollars!"

And ten points to whoever gives me the origin of that quote.

Yes folks, that's right - after a particularly vicious stay in Canada, old B2 is back to give you more of what you want - ridiculously early previews of Big Ten teams! What's that you say? You don't want? What if I told you that a special guest may be weighing in on Iowa? You don't even blink, do you?

Onward - to Iowa! (that's the first time in recorded history that phrase has ever been typed, trust me, I googled it.)

One Word Season Recap: Blasé. That's right. I went French on you. Uninterested. It was as if the Hawkeyes had become bored with football, and decided that no, they weren't going to try. Oh sure - they'll beat up on the dredges of the conference, but put them in a game against something resembling a football team, and they die. The lone exception seems to be a 10-6 victory over eventual Rose Bowl victims Illinois. When a 10-6 victory is the highlight of your season, however, you've got problems. Even their record was boring. 4-4 in conference? 6-6 overall? You know, Iowa, it's not bad to throw in some variety every now and again.

Iowa finished 6th in the conference and missed a bowl game for the first time in 6 years.

Oh yeah, they also had this guy:



2008 Tangibles:

Schedule
8/30 Maine
9/06 Florida International
9/13 Iowa State
9/20 @ Pittsburgh
9/27 Northwestern
10/04 @ Michigan State
10/11 @ Indiana
10/18 Wisconsin
11/01 @ Illinois
11/08 Penn State
11/15 Purdue
11/22 @ Minnesota

Wait a second. They play Maine? Is that even a state? More on this soon.

Coach:

Kirk Ferentz enters his 10th season with the Hawkeyes. His only other head coaching experience comes from a short stint with...you guessed it! Maine. (1990-1992)

Returning Playmakers
Quarterback Jake Christensen returns for his senior season. In '07, he threw for a surprisingly good 17 TD's to 6 INTS.


Champ? Mystery Poster?

What comes next is a mystery...