Juice Williams: Purveyor of Pain

Illinois fans will tell you that when you put the ball in Juice's hands, somebody is gonna die. There's a good chance that Juice will line up that defense staring at him and rifle down each member in different, awesomely soul-crushing ways. There's an equal chance that in an attempt to do just that, he'll get the business end of the rifle all twisted around and end up massacring his own team, cheerleaders, and half of those in attendance. Somebody's gonna die indeed.

This Saturday, Juice got it right.

That may be an enormous understatement. Juice got it more right than any player ever has in the history of players playing football against Michigan at Michigan Stadium. Player.

That's surprising to me, almost stunning in the wake of two performances last year that left my jaw hanging on the floor. Armani Edwards and Dennis Dixon eviscerated, re-viscerated, then eviscerated one more time good measure, the Wolverines last year. And Juice Williams holds the record for most beat-down given by a single player? Yes. Yes he does. He played the role of Running Back, Quarterback, and Executioner.

And that's something to remember as Illinois rolls through this season. Every once in awhile, Juice points that rifle at you and mows you down. It happened to Ohio State last year - who managed to contain the explosion just enough not to get blown out. It happened to Michigan this year. My guess is that the next team to take Juice and the Illini offense as lightly as Michigan did will be the next victim. They're probably not the best team in the Big Ten, but Illinois can make noise - and the rest of their schedule had better be ready for it.

Kiillllllllllll!!

Des Moines… it’s in Indiana or something

Little Spinal Tap for everyone there to get us off on the right foot. And yes Iowa faithful, I know that the University of Iowa is located in Iowa City, thank you.

Hey, remember when there were at least two separate occasions last November where Michigan fans like me were trying to come to grips with LOUD rumors of Kirk Ferentz to Ann Arbor?? Oh I can shrug and smile now, but those days were some of the worst in recent memory. I recall how it began…

(A gentle waking to a cool gray late autumn/early winter morning)… stretchhhhhhhh… yawn, scratch, perhaps I’ll have some Smart Start today, that Special K just doesn’t get it done anymore, ah good the coffee’s done, let’s just set this down while I just check out the ol’ rumor monger machine shall we? JESUS TAPDANCING CHRIST! Who in the name of Bump Fucking Elliot are we looking at? Kirk Ferentz… (hits refresh)… not joking… (refreshes again)… but wha… no way… we’ll be fine, I’m going to enjoy this fine java while I wait for the “har-har just kidding here” PBBBBBBBBBBBBTTGHHHHHHHH! Oh it burns! It burns!! Wait what do you mean there’s a goddamn flight that was tracked from Cedar Rapids to Ann Arbor, they have PLANES in Cedar Rapids?! It’s not conceivable, (refresh) (refresh) (refresh) repeat for 8 hours a day until rumors subside… which oh by the way was somewhere near 9045 years… Not since Tim Dwight scared the ever loving bejeezus out of me in ’97 have I been that terrified of something from Iowa... so anyways, yeah on to the Hawkeyes, alright!

1. One thing the media will harp on that is ridiculously off base – Let’s get back to our friend Kirk Ferentz for a quick second… The media seems to constantly portray this guy as a worker of miracles with “lesser talent”. Hey, I’ll give him all kinds of credit for his three year run that started in ’02, but uh… other than that burst of success, in the always fair and objective game of college football, his last three seasons have left a lot to be desired. That’s 1-game-above-.500 level of desire by the way. Iowa had a top 10 or top 15 recruiting class in 2005, they should be coming into the prime of their careers this season, but uh… through either horrific character misjudgment or even worse luck with injuries, I wouldn’t say that the excitement is brimming over at this point. I’m not saying Ferentz is to blame for all of the problems with the program, but uh, there have been more than a few, and at some point don’t you have to look at the coach? The media won’t, they’ll extol him as a great molder of talent if Iowa shows as much as a pulse this season, but I wonder how much patience Iowa fans really have at this point.

2. One thing the media will completely ignore that is integral to this team's success – First things first, Iowa gets out of playing both the Buckeyes and the Wolverines this year, which is the greatest gift the Big 10 can give to a team. Actually on the field the slotted starters on the O-line are looking like they’ll play different positions from where they were respectively last season. Seeing as how Iowa’s O-line was somewhere between god-awful and “Michigan-against-Ohio-State-Non-Existent” last season, perhaps this shakeup was the only real option/idea the Iowa coaching staff had. Oh, yeah, and THERE’S A BATTLE AT CENTER!!! YAH!!! Kirk Ferentz has a freshman son who might play center someday too! Holy crap! Center love all around!! In all seriousness though, there is experience here, if they can somehow be even a serviceable unit, Iowa will be a much better offensive football team than the 2007 version… which was 110^th in the nation in scoring offense (wow). Oh oh, and the scoring defense? 12^th… I’m sure the team meetings were a BLAST for the O last year!

3. Most important contributors on each side of the ball – In case you haven’t noticed, I LOATHE picking the quarterback in this section, but I have to here. Iowa has no discernible talent at running back that is capable of even walking right now. They do however have a surprisingly well stocked cabinet of wide-receivers though. They will be worthless if Christensen or Ricky Stanzi (which is perhaps the most polar opposite name of Bronco Nagurski that one could ever have) can’t get them the football. The rushing game will also be hapless without the threat of danger through the air. Defensively? Iowa has always had at least one linebacker on the field that is nothing but a guy who goes out and flat out makes plays, and I don’t think there’s any reason that’ll be different this year, and the few times I saw Iowa play last season (key word: FEW) A.J. Edds looked impressive.

4. Area that scares you as an opponent – Iowa was on their way to closing out the season on a bit of a high note before choking on applesauce against Western Michigan. Perhaps the Hawkeyes were starting to figure a few things out? They scored 120 points in their first 8 games and managed to get to 102 in their final four… I’m reaching I know.

5. Area that makes you salivate as an opponent – Hey did you hear that Iowa lost 17 players from its 2007 roster? Oh, oh yeah, and right now this is their running back:

I mean when I hear Paki O’Meara, I guess this comes to mind…

6. Random factor that you think will come into play this season – Remember how Iowa had that bit of success years ago and all of a sudden they were the chic pick every year with Drew Tate to be the team to beat in the Big 10… and they pretty much were as far from that as possible? Well now with the glare of expectations out of the way, perhaps Iowa will have the chance to sneak up on some people. If they get any kind of a running back, the offense has nowhere to go but up.

7. Overall Record – 7-5, Iowa heads back to the bowls, but not by too big of a margin.

8. Final Big Ten Standing – There are a number of teams in the conference that are simply more complete football teams than Iowa right now, missing out on Ohio State and Michigan is a gift, but I still don’t think Iowa is going to be much more than a .500 Big 10 team. Call it 4-4 again this season, which I’ll say is good for a big ol’ tie in the middle of the conference in the 5-6-7 range.

9. Bowl Game Destination – I guess that’d mean either the Motor City Bowl or the Insight Bowl??? Something like that…