VLSPSBET

When announcing goes bad: The Vern Lundquinst School of Proper Sports Broadcasting Etiquette and Technique.

Baseball is a thinking man's game, which is to say that it's boring as hell, and you've got to have a fair amount of cranial fortitude to stand up to the 2 minutes of non-action that fills the time between pitches that take 1.2 seconds to reach home plate. Since nobody has ever directly accused me of what (I think) we're all suspicious of - maybe a few donuts short of a dozen - I've gone right ahead and enjoyed baseball despite the fact that it is decidedly "not-football."

As baseball is such a thinking man's game (see above definition), it becomes ever more important for broadcasters to be on top of the action during that 1.2 second window. Witness last night's game between the Yankees and the Red Sox. Baseball fans get all orgasmic over this game in one of two very distinct ways - and it all depends on where they live geographically. If you are from the Northeast, have a cousin who lives in Boston, or want to be gangsta, then you have a rooting interest in this game. You will speak orgasmically about the history, the tradition, and this years matchup about which you actually know very little. Conversely, if you live in the Midwest, or (god help us) the West Coast, you're so tired of MSM force feeding you this rivalry that you will speak orgasmically about how good the Indians/Tigers/Cubs/Padres are, and how they are ignored by ESPN and others of that ilk.

Back on topic (like there ever was one to begin with), broadcasting baseball has its own challenges - mainly filling up that 2 minutes between the action - and as such allows for a certain dance. ESPN's team of Joe Morgan and Jon Miller have been broadcasting baseball together for 18 years, and one would think they would have gotten pretty good at the dance. One could theoretically start waxing poetic about a young minor leaguer for a full 15 minutes while the other pops in for exactly 1.2 seconds to say "ball 2 outside." Not so. Not with Joe Morgan in the booth.


Joe Morgan scares kittens. And baseball fans. But mostly kittens.

Last night, after the brilliant insight of (verbatim) "Manny is so good because he keeps balanced, keeps his feet under him to stay balanced, and keeps balanced" Joe started talking steroids, and it's clear that he's getting really worked up. After about 5 minutes of disjointed babble, it's also becoming clear that something important is happening down on the field. The Yankees catcher (Molina) - having just hit a double - is being removed for a pinch runner, and it looks like there's going to be a pinch hitter too. Now, in a game that is 90% waiting for 10% payoff - this is a pretty fucking important switch. This isn't just waiting around, the Yankees have just switched TWO positions, and since Posada wasn't catching at the time (he was DHing), it was clear that he'd have to go to catch, and there would have to be a new DH. I say "it was clear" only in hindsight because at the time I had no fucking clue what was happening on the field because Joe just kept barreling through his "let's reward the clean players" diatribe. It was unbelievable, and took a full 30 seconds (which is a long time to be clueless in a sporting event) for Jon to jump in and fill us in on the action.

So, for a special non-football version of the VLSPSBET, I'm going to just say this: In a game that is only 10% action, if you're a broadcaster, it is very important to actually call the action.

That is all.

VLSPSBET

Beauford and I haven’t teased this out yet, so consider the following a trial run… and I PROMISE this is the last time I mention Billy Packer for months… anyways, Monday when Packer continually failed to recognize that the Kansas Jayhawks were utilizing a zone defense in the second half, it got me thinking about many of the misnomers or misconceptions that are continually reinforced by your average sports announcer… and as a result by your common sports fan.

Well gentlemen and madams, when has average ever been acceptable? You’re not that type of sports fan; you’re not that type that lets somebody in your group talk about yesterday’s game, totally BLOW the description and let it slide… no, Beauford and Champ know you better than that. You expect to converse on a higher level when you enter into an intellectual debate within the sports genre; and you expect those conversing with you to have a base of understanding so that you may effectively communicate with them. It’s an unwritten rule that’s simply understood.

So without further ado, we present to you a possibly ongoing series here at State of Game:

The Verne Lundquist School of Proper Sports Broadcasting Etiquette and Technique

Or VLSPSBET if you’re into that whole brevity thing.

Why Verne Lundquist you ask? Because there is no finer sir, and I’m offended that you asked in the first place. SEC folk (shudder) have been privy to his talents for years. Verne is still whipping young pups in this broadcasting game with his smooth delivery, clutch performances, and salient understanding of several sports. All of that while a myriad of analysts out there can’t seem to get a grasp on just one. Think about this, in the Masters alone, Lundquist has been immortalized TWICE:

1986: Nicklaus sinks his birdie putt on the 17^th part of the greatest 9 holes of golf ever played at Augusta, and that moment will inexorably be tied with Lundquists epitome of perfection: “YES SIR!!!!!!!”

2005: Woods holes the up and back chip for birdie on the 16^th proving that golf balls do in fact have a flair for the dramatic. Again, this will never be separated from Verne’s sublime: “In your LIFE have you ever seen anything like that?!”

So there’s your reasoning right there… In these sections, we will deal with all sorts of errata of the announcing type, and likely harbor some very ill will toward several individuals in particular. Who you ask? Well you’ll just have to keep checking back to see won’t you!!! Onward.

Today’s topic for VLSPSBET: The old trusty reverse, what it is, and what it is NOT!

Few plays in football are so poorly understood and so often mistaken by announcers. The reverse is not a new play, it has been around for a quite a while… and yet, it appears that somewhere in the textbook of football commentating, the “END AROUND” was mistakenly switched with the definition of “REVERSE”… naturally, then when a team runs a true reverse, the fools in the booth fall all over themselves to add to its grandiosity, labeling the play “a DOUBLE reverse”!!!! Don’t be that guy dear readers, don’t be that idiot who stands up and screams reverse during a football game when the play is merely an end around, you’d disappoint Verne.

So how do you avoid this most basic of mistakes? How about actually recognizing what each play entails? Without futher ado:

An END AROUND: Is a play where the quarterback hands off to a wide receiver in the backfield. The receiver motions into the backfield as the ball is snapped and receives said handoff from the quarterback, he then proceeds (if all has gone well and according to plan) towards the opposite end of the line from where he lined up, hoping to, as they say, “catch the corner”. If we had a dollar for every time this simple play (and dare we say, when properly used, effective) was exasperatedly called a reverse, we would be enjoying many fine things.

A REVERSE: A reverse is usually built off of your basic sweep play, in which the quarterback takes the snap and pitches the ball to the tailback, who for the purposes of this discussion proceeds to run towards the eastern sideline. Meanwhile, the receiver who started out on the east side of the formation begins to motion in the opposite direction… that would be westward. The tailback then proceeds to hand-off or pitch the ball to the receiver, who is now headed towards the western sideline and hopefully in the opposite direction of all 11 players on the defensive side of the ball. Note the key here is that the ball REVERSES DIRECTION… Not exactly a difficult concept to grasp now is it? What about the ever so rare double reverse? Well gentle reader, simply add yet another exchange on the end of your usual reverse with the ball now in the hands of the third ball carrier on the play (HB – WR – WR) and headed back in the original direction that the play began in, for us, east.

So there you have it, a brief and succinct breakdown of the difference between the end around and the reverse… keep track and savor the moment the first time this season that someone fails to recognized the simple difference between the two!