Don't Panic

"In many of the more relaxed civilizations on the Outer Eastern Rim of the Galaxy, the Hitch Hiker's Guide has already supplanted the great Encyclopedia Galactica as the standard repository of all knowledge and wisdom, for though it has many omissions and contains much that is apocryphal, or at least wildly inaccurate, it scores over the older, more pedestrian work in two important respects.

First, it is slightly cheaper; and secondly it has the words Don't Panic inscribed in large friendly letters on its cover"

This is what you wanted, right? You there, I'm talking to you. Yes, you - the one with the maize and blue on. This is what you wanted for the past three seasons while you wailed from your (seated) position at the Big House for Carr to just retire already, right? That's what I thought.

And yet - here we are - with you saying things like "inexcusable" when talking about the very change that you wanted to see. Change that YOU called for, Mr. Michigan fan.

I know what you're going to say. You're going to ask me if it's ok to be mediocre; if it's ok to have lowered expectations; if it's ok to no longer be the leaders and best. No. It's not - and I don't think that anyone is suggesting that it is. In fact, the very people who are steering this ship are the people most upset. But here are the facts:

Your offensive line can't block
Your quarterback can't throw

When these things work in concert, these things happen:

Your bowl streak will, in all likelihood, end this season
You will, in all likelihood, lose to Ohio State again
You lose to a MAC team for the first time ever

And you know what? None of these things matter in the slightest. Oh sure, they'll go down on the record books, and Michigan FANS will lose bragging rights over other FANS, but since when does the fate of a program rest upon accolades that only FANS care about? It doesn't.

There is no offense that adapts to inaccuracy from a QB.
There is no offense that neutralizes a bad offensive line.

Rodriguez knows this. That's why he's running the damn zone-read so often. It's why he's forcing his system on these players who aren't adapted to run it. I-form slams into the line aren't going to work with this team - they're missing too many FUNDAMENTAL skills. Any attempt at making Michigan a competent offensive team this year will do two things:

1) It will fail
2) It will retard the improvement in the offense that Rodriguez was hired to run.

You want to know what happens when a coach is brought in to run a specific system, and not everyone buys in? Look at Auburn. Tony Franklin was brought in to run a system that had success at every level. When the coaching staff didn't buy into the program, the offense was not only a spectacular failure, but one in which there was no discernible reason for the failure.

I'll put it this way:

Michigan's offense is failing, but in so doing, they are gaining valuable experience for the future, because this offense IS Michigan's future. Auburn ran/is running a bastardized version of the Air Raid that sucks, and won't lend itself to ANY future improvements.

If failing truly gives you the opportunity to learn, then at least Michigan is learning something that will help them in the future. Auburn doesn't have the opportunity to learn from their mistakes, because they won't be running the Franklin/Tuberville bastard offense in the future. Their failures were for naught.

Rodriguez has jumped blindfolded and headfirst into shallow shark-infested waters. When he comes out the other side - and all evidence supports that he will - his team will be ready to fight. But right now, he - and all of us - are still in those waters, fighting for our lives.

So stop it, sir. Stop booing, stop stomping your feet like a petulant child calling things inexcusable and unacceptable. You wanted this change; you got this change.

"Those who stay will be champions" is bullshit and not applicable here. Those who stay will be pained, elated, tearful, truthful, ecstatic, angry, and joyful. There are no guarantees in life, and even less in sports. For myself, and Champ, I think we'll stick around to see how this ends, and not be such insufferable twits. For those inclined to call things unacceptable, boo 19-23 year old kids, or start raving about a lack of offensive direction or the deterioration of the entire program, I will not care if you cease to breathe.*



*Not applicable in real life

Is Northwestern Really the Worst 5-0 Team in the Country?

[editor's note: I wrote the bulk of this prior to South Florida's upset last night. The upset doesn't render anything obsolete, but is mildly annoying. Also, this post includes only teams that are 5-0, the qualifying standard being 5 wins - not being undefeated.]

BHGP, purveyors of Iowa Football and to a lesser extent Black Tar Heroin, called Northwestern the "worst 4-0 team in the nation" in the events leading up to their soul-crushing defeat at the hands of the purple helmet. Despite the loss, BHGP forged ahead, saying the following:

"Northwestern is now the worst 5-0 team in all of college football history after Iowa took a 17-3 lead late in the first half, then committed a series of unforced errors that allowed Northwestern to come back and win."

Hyperbole aside, I spent the remainder of the day wondering if there was any way to statistically prove (or disprove) that statement. As readers of this blog will know, I've been unusually high on Northwestern compared to many of my peers and almost all of major sports media. Northwestern does indeed sit, along with 6 other teams, at 5-0. But are they the worst 5-0 team in the country?

The Contenders

Northwestern
Penn State
Alabama
UConn
South Florida
Utah
Ball State

Rankings

The first thing to look at when trying to determine the worst 5-0 team in the country is, simply, rankings. The AP poll ranks the 5-0 teams thusly:

Alabama (2)
Penn State (6)
South Florida (10)
Utah (15)
Connecticut (24)
Ball State (not ranked - 29)
Northwestern (not ranked - 30)

The coaches poll is in the same order, except that Northwestern and Ball State are switched up at the bottom, with Northwestern knocking on the door of being ranked, and Ball State mired in the "others receiving votes" category. In the two major polls, the battle for worst is clearly fought between Ball State and Northwestern. However, since this is a blog, we would be remiss not to include the blogpoll, which has the teams ranked in the same order, except that Northwestern is actually #25, while Ball State is firmly entrenched in "others receiving votes." That's three polls, two of which have Ball State as being the worst 5-0 team in the country, not Northwestern. This, however, is of questionable use because there are countless polls out there, and to say that two of three arbitrarily picked polls have Northwestern slightly ahead of Ball State is far from anything close to empiracal. However, it needs to be noted that both bloggers and the MSM think that the battle for worst 5-0 team is going to be fought between Ball State and Northwestern.



Resume

Let's take a look at the team-by-team resume of the contenders:

Alabama: Bama has the strongest resume of anyone is College Football. They are immediately disgarded as a contender, both for this reason and common sense reasons.

Penn State: Penn State has a home win over Illinois to its name. Other than that, they've played cupcakes, Oregon State's win over USC be damned. However, Illinois was ranked when they played, and Oregon State could be better than we think, although I kinda doubt it. Having watched Penn State play, however, I think they're stronger than South Florida, UConn, and the rest save for maybe Utah and Alabama. They are removed from consideration.

UConn: UConn is the closest to "Ball State and Northwestern" territory in the rankings, so a weak resume could vault them right back into contention. Their five victories are over the following teams:

Hofstra
@ Temple
Virginia
Baylor
@ Louisville

This is a weak slate of teams who probably won't be bowling this winter. Only Louisville and Baylor have shown any life, and UConn almost found a way to lose to both. UConn definitely stays in contention with this resume.

South Florida: Sure, they're a top ten team, but Champ had his concerns about the Bulls early, saying

"Champ voices disagreement with B2 for the second consecutive week regarding the Bulls who reside in the Southern region of Florida. Again, I think there's a number of teams out there that would beat USF right now, and that number is larger than nine."

Rankings-wise, they are a top ten team, but that is largely due to attrition at the top - not dominating performances by South Florida. South Florida, this is your resume:

Tennessee Martin (ed. - who?)
@ UCF
#13 Kansas
@ Florida International
@ NC State

Not exactly a run of prime mathcups, but not as weak as Penn State's cake-fest either. I haven't been sold on Kansas at all but the fact remains that they are still ranked #16, so that win counts in the quality column. Also, the Bulls have managed to win on the road 3 times. South Florida's resume, IMO, takes them out of contention for worst 5-0 team. (ed. - again, I wrote this before their loss last night. South Florida is now the best 5-1 team in the country. Also the only 5-1 team in the country.)

Utah: Utah is a good team that both Champ and I were high on from the start. Their resume looks like this:

@ Michigan
UNLV
@ Utah State
@ Air Force
Weber State

Take out UNLV and Weber State, and you've got a pretty good resume, especially given that nearly all their tough games have been on the road. This resume eliminates them from contention. Utah - you are not the worst 5-0 team in the country (ed. - Utah is now the only 6-0 team in the country, which, unlike South Florida, strengthens my assertion).

Ball State and Northwestern: Now we're getting down to the nitty-gritty. 4 teams have strong enough resumes to be removed from consideration. Since these two teams appear to be the leading contenders (with UConn closing...) we'll look at them together. Ball State's resume looks like this:

Northeastern
Navy
@ Akron
@ Indiana
Kent State

Compared to Northwestern's

Syracuse
@ Duke
Southern Illinois
Ohio
@ Iowa

There isn't much to sway the argument either way. You could almost look at it like this:

Syracuse = Northeastern
Duke = Navy
Southern Illinois = Akron
Ohio = Kent State
Iowa = Indiana

I would say that Navy is probably better than Duke, but by the same token, Iowa is probably better than Indiana. It's a wash. Neither team has a signature win, which is why they are both still leading contenders. After the resume section, it's a three horse race between UConn, Ball State, and Northwestern.

Statistical Comparisons

Given that all three teams remaining have eearily similar resumes, it's safe to say that the strength of the opponents have been relatively equal for all three teams. As such, a statistical comparison should yeild some good results. Let's do a quick rundown of some major catagories:

Points Per Game:
Ball State - 41.4
Northwestern - 25.0
UConn - 29.8

Yards Per Play:
Ball State - 7.1
Northwestern - 5.1
UConn - 5.6

Rushing Yards Per Game:
Ball State - 185 YPG
Northwestern - 149 YPG
UConn - 255 YPG

Passing Yards Per Game:
Ball State - 285.4 YPG
Northwestern - 213 YPG
UConn - 138 YPG

The takeaway offensively is that Ball State has the best, most well rounded offense. UConn can rush the ball, but can't (or won't) throw it. Northwestern, however, is last in every catagory except for passing yards, and as such, Northwestern takes the lead for worst 5-0 team. Let's look at the defense.

Yards Allowed Per Game:
Ball State - 384.6
Northwestern - 319.8
UConn - 314.4

Scoring Defense PPG
Ball State - 20.2 PPG
Northwestern - 12.4 PPG
UConn - 14.2 PPG

Turnover Margin
Ball State - 0.6
Northwestern - 0.6
UConn - 0.0

Defensively, it's Northwestern carrying the torch, allowing a measly 12.4 points per game. With that defense, its no wonder the Wildcats offense doesn't have to do much. Meanwhile, Ball State's defense is bordering on awful - relying heavily on their offense to light it up. UConn remains decidedly "meh" defensively. Both Ball State and Northwestern are in the positives for turnover margins, which is good.

Combine the fact that UConn has a barely stronger resume, and doesn't find themselves on the extreme short end of the stick statistically, we can eliminate them from contention.

The Takeaway

It's between Ball State and Northwestern for sure - just like the polls said it was. Northwestern has the 9th best scoring defense in the country, while Ball State has the 13th best scoring offense in the country. Meanwhile, Ball State's scoring defense registers at 45th in the coutry. Northwestern's offense fares no better, clocking in at the 75th best scoring offense.

Since Northwestern's offense takes the cake for ineffeciency, it is indeed safe to say that Northwestern is the worst 5-0 team in college football.

They shouldn't, however, be taken lightly by any conference foe. As long as their defense comes to play, the Wildcats will be in contention to win every game.

What to do With a Loss

Before the Logic Poll is released, I have a bone to pick:

At the beginning of any college football season, there will be only a handful of teams who have a legitimate chance to go undefeated and guarentee a punched ticket to that National Championship game that everyone seems so hellbent on winning. Last year, among others, proved that you can indeed reach that game with a loss (or two!) but to guarantee your trip you must follow one simple rule: Win. Every Saturday.

The season began with the mighty, but oh holy hell how they've fallen. Georgia, USC, Ohio State, Florida have been erased from the top 2 - all having violated the first rule of a guaranteed Title Game appearance. Gone. Eradicated. The dream of the guaranteed trip is now out of reach, but the trip itself is still very tangible. Each team with one loss has the chance to regain that magical 2 spot, or, given the craziness we've seen recently, slip up to the 1 ranking and play a fellow rule-violater. How they accomplish that feat, however, is no longer up to them. The ranking Gods of the BCS are now at work, and their fates rest solely with algorythms and mechanics that I'm convinced nobody really understands, including the AP and Coaches - both of whom figure largely into the equation (I know that those polls are no longer included, but the various mechanics that make up the BCS still base a good portion of their reckoning on the traditional polls). Rankings, which until now - until the losses - were largely academic, now figure prominently in the actual destiny of those teams who have...well...lost.

The AP now ranks the one loss teams who were firmly within the handful of teams who could run the table as such, loss in parenthesis:

9) USC (unranked Oregon State)
11) Georgia (now #2 Alabama)
12) Florida (unranked Ole Miss)
13) Auburn (now #3 LSU)
14) Ohio State (now #9 USC)

My question is simple: Why is USC not being punished more for losing in terrific fashion to unranked Oregon State? I mean - even in the catagory of "unranked" Oregon State is probably the worst team up there on the board. Why is it that Ohio State - who lost on the road to the number 9 team in the country - is still ranked lower than Florida who lost to unranked Ole Miss at home?

Every year, there is an "insert alliterated cliche" weekend where a ton of previously top 7-ish teams get beat. That was last Saturday. Now the rankings, which until this point were largely academic, start to matter because frankly, the fact that Auburn is ahead of Ohio State could cost Ohio State a chance at the Title game in the future. Based on the "quality" of loss, the most recent poll should look more like this:

11) Georgia (now #2 Alabama)
13) Auburn (now #3 LSU)
14) Ohio State (now #9 USC)
12) Florida (unranked Ole Miss)
9) USC (unranked Oregon State)

USC should drop to the bottom, Florida should be more severely punished, Ohio State and Georgia should be moved up. I don't normally cry out about SEC bias, or that the "media hates Ohio State" but in this case, I think both Buckeyes and Bulldogs have reason to be pretty shitty at the most recent polls.

The fly in the ointment is the fact that USC beat Ohio State head to head. However, week to week results have never really mattered much, see Ole Miss' and Oregon State's absense from the rankings. Just because one team beats another on a given Saturday has never played much into final rankings - USC lost to a marginal at best football team in Oregon State. The media and coaches aren't punishing them for it, so they must still think that USC is a damn good football team. Why then, if bias against the BXI and Ohio State has nothing to do with it, are they punishing Ohio State so severly for losing on the road against a damn good football team?

I'm calling shenanagans on this whole thing...

Luckless, Hapless, and Star Crossed...

Allow me to begin with the following: un-fucking-believable.

I am going to attempt to do the rest of this sans profanity and in the most level headed way possible.

For those who simply look at the score of this week’s meeting between Michigan and Notre Dame, you will likely make a number of incorrect assumptions. The way this game played out had to be seen in its entirety to be believed. Oh sure, it’s a time honored tradition to scream about officiating and poor calls costing you football games, and there was some of that, but the way that Michigan lost this football game simply cannot be appreciated by watching a bottom line or unfolding a paper and glancing at the headline.

A quick look at the numbers:

- Michigan threw for 229 yards compared to Notre Dame’s 147.
- Michigan rushed for 158 yards compared to Notre Dame’s 113.
- Total offense: Michigan 387, Notre Dame 260.
- Michigan picked up 21 first downs to Notre Dame’s 14.
- Michigan punted 4 times, Notre Dame 6.
- Turnovers? Michigan 6, Notre Dame 2… of the six Michigan turnovers, I’m willing to say that Notre Dame forced possibly one of those gaffs. Feel free to argue otherwise if you actually watched the football game.

Michigan outplayed ND in all facets of the football game today, except in holding on to the football and benefiting from officiating. Go ahead and put a check mark next to ND in those two categories…

Tomorrow you won’t hear that Michigan completely outplayed the Irish. No, what you’ll hear is “whoa they’re going to suck” and other highly enlightened commentary. You won’t hear that Sam McGuffie and Steven Threet gashed ND all day long (the passing game looked infinitely better than the first two weeks, and imagine if they had properly called the 50 yd TD to Matthews!). Tomorrow you won’t hear that Michigan gifted ND three TDs, that the refs took away one from the Maize and Blue, or that Michigan gift-wrapped two turnovers (neither forced) inside the Irish 10 yard line… one of which was questionable at best (Kevin Grady’s forward progress was stopped at the three yardline and yet he somehow “fumbled” on the five).

Make no mistake, as a Wolverine fan I’m disappointed, and I’m mad, but I’m not worried, ours was the better football team today. Michigan’s offense continues to look better each week, the defense wasn’t gashed, and short of a missed a tackle and a blown coverage, they controlled the Irish offense. This Michigan team will be bashed for the next two weeks by idiots in the media and fans who don’t understand the game of football, but outside of terrible breaks and terrible calls, I can’t think of much to be worried about.

Notre Dame had to “drive” all of 26yards for their first two touchdowns, both of which occurred in the first four minutes of the first quarter. This was brought about by a lack of Michigan’s kick returners willingness to catch the football… and no, it had not started raining at this point. Neither turnover was forced, with Brandon Minor dropping a backwards pass, and then Mike Shaw letting the next kickoff go directly off of his chest.

Quickly down 14 points, the Michigan offense stalled and was forced to turn the ball back over to ND. Errrrrr wait… let’s rewind quickly and look at a great catch that will never be remembered: Greg Matthews was fully extended and hauled in a perfect throw from Steven Threet for a 50 yard touchdown, the ball never bobbled, his hands clearly placed between it and the ground… and yet the ref with no view of the play calls it incomplete and the review (in one of the quickest of all time) also somehow sees incomplete despite obvious evidence to the contrary. Seven points gone. This defies explanation.

What happened next will be one of the few Notre Dame accomplishments that can actually be credited to Notre Dame… but not without some quick help with“pass interference” on a perfectly defended pass by Donovan Warren. To Notre Dame’s credit, they went right back to the well and caught Stevie Brown out of position and torched the Michigan secondary for a nice touchdown. Again, take note, it’s one of the few times ND did anything that they can take credit for instead of handing it to the referees or Michigan’s lack of luck.

Notre Dame’s next touchdown came via two missed tackles on a four yard out that was nicely turned into a 60 yard gain, again, I will give the Irish credit for this drive. That’s 14 points I will happily tip my cap to them and say “you outplayed us ND”. Halftime found a Michigan team who spotted ND a 21 point lead down only 11...

What happened in the rain in the second half can only be described as Irish luck… Grady “fumbles” as Michigan is driving to cut the lead to 28-24. Steven Threet drops the snap, it is kicked directly to a streaking ND defender who heads directly to the endzone. Nick Sheridan makes a perfect throw to Carson Butler, who declines to put his hands on the ball (inside the ND 10 again) and it is intercepted… This can be described as nothing more than a comedy of errors, gaffes, and breaks that all went Notre Dame’s way. Of ND’s five touchdowns, ONE consisted of an actual drive… one. Unbelievable. Michigan’s D gave up one sustained drive and one big play… that’s it. Don’t believe me? Notre Dame’s second half on offense? Punt, punt, punt, punt, turnover on downs, INT, punt. Dominating indeed.

Read on! So in summary, ND’s scores for the game:

0-7: Brandon Minor drops a backwards pass (fumble) and ND puts together a masterful 3 play, 11 yard TD drive.
0-14: Shaw fumbles the ensuing kickoff. This time ND puts together a real prolonged march of a drive: 14 yards and 3 plays later? TD.
0-21: Michigan turns the ball over on downs and the 2nd play, ND completes a long TD pass following a ridiculously horrible defensive PI call on Warren.
10-28: The one and only drive of the football game: 87 yards down the field and score on a 1yd TD run.
17-35: Threet fumbles the snap and in the ensuing melee the ball is kicked directly to an ND player who races it 35 yards for a TD.

This was hardly a Wolverine struggle against a superior opponent, hardly a loss that leaves me hanging my head at the ineptness of my team. Michigan thoroughly outplayed Notre Dame today. Notre Dame capitalized on gifts from both the officials and from the Maize and Blue as you should, but is this cause for incredible alarm in Ann Arbor? No. Michigan’s offense has looked better each week, Sam McGuffie and Threet played GREAT on the road. The breaks went against Michigan today, and we paid dearly for all of them. Notre Dame took advantage and stole a football game despite being wholly outplayed.

That said, this football team will be just fine. Threet played a great football game today, Sam McGuffie did what we've all seen him do to highschool kids down in Texas, and the Michigan offense moved the football all day long. The defense gave up one sustained drive and one big play... There's a lot to take away from even a horrifyingly disappointing game like today. Short of the unforced turnovers, Michigan wins this football game going away.

Two weeks to get ready for the Badgers and the conference push. Disappointing start? Yes. I was horrendously wrong regarding my predictions to the start of this season (see, even I can admit it), but I still like what I’m seeing out of this football team. I have every confidence in Coach Rodriguez’s ability, and I think we're going to continue to see this team gel and improve on the execution that had plagued it so badly in the first two weeks of this season.

Also, EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE MCGUFFIE!!!

GO BLUE!

PS - For those who thought that Michigan / ND would be an abomination of football, I direct your attention over to Auburn / Miss State: 3-2 final... real pitchers duel over there.

The Two Guys Using Logic Poll…

Brought to you by Beauford and Champ. No, we’re not in any particular poll guild or league that will combine our individual thoughts into some larger consortium and produce a super-poll that is greater than the sum of its individual parts. Rather, it’s just us… which is fine. Here’s how it’ll work. Each week B-squared and I will each come up with our version of the Logic Poll and compare. We will then tally up each team’s rank in each of our polls and add it together… lowest cumulative total is ranked highest, and we go on down the line. If two teams happen to tie at the end of the season, B2 and I will retreat to our bat-cave and determine which team is deserving of a higher rank through a complex process of coin-flips and arguments filled with hyperbole.

If there is a large disagreement in rank for a particular team between our two submissions… like, I don’t know… say Penn State for example, you know just for example’s sake and all. Anyways, if there’s a discrepancy then we will attempt to give you, the reader, some kind of justification for why we think that team is much better/worse than the other seems to. I know you can feel the excitement building can’t you?

Yes, I can barely contain myself; I haven’t been this excited since Tim Dwight learned how to catch punts and we decided to put feathery things on our jerseys...




My goodness, it's Hayden Fry! Welcome! That was quite a look coach…

Your damn right it was, pink locker-room, feathers, mandatory dresses for Saturday morning walk-throughs, by God whatever it took to win… Now get back to your poll.


Alright.

Wait... just how do you handle if one team is unranked in one half of your poll but ranked in the other?



Good question coach. Unranked gets a total 26 added for the unranked value (arbitrary as hell) and a big asterisk in front of their name so that we make sure to consider that the following week. Hopefully, the number of asterisks diminishes as time goes on... naturally, however, towards the bottom of the Top 25 there's going to be some.


Fair enough, we settled disputes for starting roles by having players pillow-fight in the visiting locker-room, but your idea could work too. Continue on.


Alrighty. So here’s the official preseason Logic Poll brought to you by Beauford and Champ (ties stand for now because, frankly, it'll all work out as we get on down the road):

1. University of Ohio State (2)
2. Oklahoma (5)
2. USC (5)
4. Georgia (8)
5. Florida (11)
5. Missouri (11)
7. Clemson (14)
8. West Virginia (18)
9. LSU (20)
10. Texas (22)
11. Va Tech (24)
12. Penn State (26)
12. Auburn (26)
14. BYU (31)
15. Wisconsin (33)
15. South Florida (33)
17. Tennessee (34)
18. Texas Tech (37)
18. Utah (37)
20. ** Arizona State (39)
21. Wake Forest (40)
22. ** Kansas (41)
23. Michigan (45)
23. Oregon (45)
25. ** Cal (47)
------- Others Receiving Consideration-------
- Central Michigan (49)
- Michigan State (51)

So there you have it! Preseason fillibustering at its best. Now for the airing of grievances:

A. Penn State... Beauford says they're a top ten team because they'll likely finish second in the Big 10... Champ politely disagrees and thinks that extreme caution should be exercised on highly ranking any team with Jay Paterno involved, especially when it has a "new" offense, no experience at quarterback, and no real offensive playmakers to speak of... oh and their defense continues to break extremities and such. Penn State ends up 12th in the preseason poll, which is still six spots too high. Of course if they get past the Beavers of Oregon State, they play nobody until a buzz-saw of Wisconsin, Michigan, and Ohio State all in a row.

B. West Virginia - Blue-light special here... both Beauford and I think that WVU could be in for a significant case of Bobby Williams Fever here in a month or two. We rank them up in the Top 10 thanks to another paint-peeling performance in a bowl game, but let's just say that we doubt Bill Stewart's ability just a tad... particularly now that nearly the entire staff is gone, gone, gone.

C. South Florida... Beauford has them in the top 10... they end up 15th in our preseason poll largely due to my placing them near the bottom of the Top 25. I happen to think there are more than only 8 or 9 teams out there that would beat South Florida, perhaps they'll prove me wrong.

D. Arizona State... I had them in the top 15 because they're a decent football team in a crappy conference. We'll see what happens.

An Introspective Look at Scheduling and Social Consciousness... or just scheduling

Here we sit, a mere 3 weeks and change away from the literal kickoff to the most glorious time of the year, fall practices have begun, teams are fine tuning (read: wholesale searching for answers), and more and more commentary regarding teams is percolating through websites, radio shows, and television. One thing that I’ve particularly enjoyed this offseason is the use of the term “sleeper” to describe several teams. A cursory Google search for “NCAA Sleepers” reveals Virginia, North Carolina, and yes, Utah as carrying that label. There are several aspects of describing a team as a “sleeper” that annoy most erudite college football fans, the foremost of which being that once a team is labeled as such, EVERYONE and their brother repeats it ad nauseum. This tends to negate the “sleepiness factor” that a team supposedly possesses - After all, when I hear the word “sleeper” I think of a team that could be surprisingly good.

This begs the philosophical question: “if everyone labels a team a sleeper, are they really a sleeper anymore?” Doesn’t being an “under the radar team” (another favorite by the way) mandate that you are better than your opponents think you will be? If everyone [and their brothers! – ed.] labels you as being potentially good, exactly how many opponents are going to overlook you? The way that the term has been utilized lately brings about a different connotation if you ask me.

Rather than simply saying that a team has a possibility of being “good” or “better” this year, many experts look at teams that lie outside of the major power conferences and dig deep into the murky colloquialism bag. What do they grab? Sleeper. Why? Well they wouldn’t want to damage their hard earned credibility by labeling a team as “good” and then end up being wrong would they? They’ve manipulated the game so that either way the team’s season turns out, they’re insulated from criticism. Who’s going to get upset at somebody for calling a team that flops a sleeper? It was just a hunch wasn’t it? People who make predictions that are more concrete stand to have their necks out on the line… see Kirk Herbstreit re: Anthony Morelli, or a certain Michigan Blogger printing National Title shirts prior to 2007. So now rather than going out on a limb and saying , “Hey I think team X has a shot at being solid this year!” analysts instead cushion themselves by using that other term (I’ve already typed it too many times).

You may be asking yourself, “What’s the point Champ?” Fair enough. Let’s take the team name “Utah” away, and instead simply look at the factors you’d normally examine to try to forecast a team’s season. You know, basics like difficulty of schedule, returning players, lost players, recent track record, coaching acumen, talent etc. If we do that for this Unknown team that resides in Unknownville and go ahead and crank this admittedly somewhat subjective data through the prediction machine, what do you come out with?

Returning Starters: 8 on offense (including all skill positions), 6 on defense

Momentum: Won 8 games in a row to close ’07 including bowl game against Navy

Coaching: Kyle Whittingham (ha…hahaha…. See, it’s dangerously close to Willingham… get it? Eh??) carries a 24-14 record in his three years since Urban Myer’s departure, and an impressive 3-0 mark in bowl games. Per the Utah media guide he is the first Utah coach EVER to take his team to a bowl game in each of his first three seasons. Not exactly chopped liver.

Schedule: There’s a reason many are saying that if Utah can get past Michigan they could run the table…

So what do we have here? A pretty decent outlook by most accounts no? So what would you call that? Me? I’d probably go with “a good football team with a good chance to be successful this coming season” but that’s just me. Hmmmm….

Here’s where things get interesting, and where I think the scheduling higher-ups at several schools could learn a key lesson or two. Utah (the somnolent one) has instant credibility available to it if it were to manage a win on August 30th. Michigan, despite many predictions of an abysmal season, stands to gain little from beating what, on paper at least, figures to be a pretty decent football team. Oh, and if they were to lose? Utah T-shirt sales would skyrocket in East Lansing and Columbus, because “hur-hur, yous lossst to thems!” Meanwhile, if Utah runs through its admittedly lackadaisical schedule with only a loss to the Maize and Blue, they will in all likelihood end up in a BCS bowl anyways. The decision to schedule Michigan is a win-win for the Utes.

Michigan, on the other hand, could stand to take a tactic from its arch rival in this regard. The Buckeyes have upped their OOC schedule in a very cunning way. Yes OSU plays USC this year, yes they’ve played Texas the past few years, and if you look ahead you’ll see a marquee matchup each season for the foreseeable future. What is hidden by these contests is a laughable remainder to the OOC schedule! OSU gets to play a big time game against a big time opponent (something most lay people would call a “high risk” game, but in fact is exactly the opposite), where a loss will NOT derail a season or a BCS hope (see: LSU vs. OSU last year), and where a win will scream “LEGITIMACY!” from the highest of peaks. All while having what amounts to exhibition games for the remainder of the OOC schedule. How is this not genius? How is it that Michigan locked themselves into playing Notre Dame for decades when they had an opportunity to say “Thanks for the rivalry, but maybe we should start seeing other people for a bit” a few years ago? Notre Dame has not added any panache to the Wolverines schedule over the past few years. I’m not discounting the tradition or the rivalry; it’s always a huge game to both schools. My point, however, is that Michigan simply doesn’t gain as much from playing ND as it did 15 years ago. Perfect example: after a blowout victory against the #2 ranked (!!!!) Fighting Irish in ’06, many were using that game as a “so-what” at the end of the year when “debate” raged over Florida or Michigan. What would have happened if Michigan had played, say, Oklahoma? Or Georgia? My guess is that UM would have gotten the nod for the rematch.

Instead, Michigan is now caught in the middle of a scheduling conundrum: with ND on the slate for God only knows how long, how do they put together a schedule that’s not too tough, not too cup-cakey, but juuuuuust right? Well you can’t; not by the national media standards anyway, and they matter, because well, they make the polls now don’t they? Despite the fact that Utah figures to be a solid football team, Michigan will not garner any votes or confidence from a victory against the Utes. A loss, however, will open up the opportunity to play every criticism card in the book. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I think a solid performance against Utah would be a huge confidence boost to not only the team and the coaching staff, but much of the fan base as well. The problem is that in this current system there’s more to it than that, and that ephemeral feeling that poll creators get when they see a big game win or loss as opposed to one against a mid major solid team is enough to make a huge difference these days.

So how does the sleeper thing fit into all of this? Pretty darn well if you ask me. The media at large has labeled Utah as a team that “could be good,” which conveniently means that if Michigan were to win on August 30th, the Utes probably weren’t as good as most thought, and perhaps Michigan might not be as bad as many said. What the sleeper “label” has done has put any actual evaluation on hold for Utah while reducing the likelihood of Michigan making any kind of impact on how it is viewed by those who vote in the polls.

While this might seem small in the grand scheme of things, I think it illuminates two things that Michigan has either looked at and passed on or failed to realize altogether: that scheduling a big time tough opponent early in the year is not as damaging as the prevailing notion makes it seem, and secondly, scheduling good teams that are not widely recognized as such poses the problem of large risk with little benefit.

The Cycle of Journalism

Or, more appropriately, the cycle of Sports Journalism. You see, Sports Journalism is unique in that it does significantly more prognosticating than its brethren on the serious pages of the newspaper. It does much less reporting, and much more guessing. Take a look at your morning Newspaper, MSM website, or Yahoo's front page. Today, there will be speculation on where Manny Ramirez is headed, what the Packers will do with Brett Favre, and how the USA Basketball team will fare in Beijing. These are the stories that are dominating the front pages of sports sections across the country, and they are largely speculative pieces. The hotter the topic, the more speculation.

What the naive believe is that sports writers write pieces designed to get at the truth; what they, with all their access that us common folks don't have, believe will actually happen. In reality, sportswriters write what they believe will get people to read their articles, click their links, and make their newspapers money. Drew Sharp in Detroit, Dan Shaughnessy in Boston, Colin Cowherd on the Radio; they all are controversial, and they all get you to read their article, and in so doing, patronize their news outlet.

Within this framework, there is a specific cycle that Sports Journalism prognotications follow. It is as follows:

Step 1: Pick this year's "hot topic" prediction
Step 2: Find out what everyone else is saying in said prediction
Step 3: Print your own article rehashing what everyone else has said - tow the company line, make sure it pisses off a large section of your readership. You are a parrot at this point, simply repeating what has been said.
Step 4: Once the market has become super-saturated with the prediction that everyone is saying - write an article claiming that said prediction may be wrong, thus endearing yourself to the readership that your original prediction pissed off, and giving you the option to be "right" no matter the outcome.

Applied to College Football, it looks something like this:

Step one: Identify Michigan as a "hot topic" for predictions.
Step two: The media, including blogs, message boards, etc. has universally panned Michigan's chances for success this season.
Step three: Write your own article saying what everyone else is saying.
Step four: Ahh, the saturation point. It has been reached, and now you're seeing pushback.

Soon, the view of "Michigan may not be that bad" will reach the saturation point, and the cycle will rinse, and repeat. It happens all the time. Look for me to be writing a post about how good Michigan's going to be despite what everyone is saying in the near future - that way I can be right no matter what too.

Michigan to Wreck Kid's Dreams; Ophans and Kittens Scheduled for Destruction as Well

Michigan fans are detestable. I know; I'm one of them. They walk around like that rich kid in school who didn't care what you thought of him because, dude, he's got tons more money than you do. It pisses you off even more that he doesn't care about your attitude, and gives you the cold indifference of the privileged when you pass him in the hall. As a Michigan fan, it used to be like that. Simply put, we were better than you, and we didn't care how much you whined for your spot in the sun. The entire conference, hell, the entire nation was our little brother.

Was.

Now, I find myself being more "apologist" than "arrogant asshole fan." I don't like it. Especially after reading stuff like this.

The upshot:

Michigan players won't be able to attend a golf fundraiser for kids because of mandatory workouts. In July. In the past, U of M, along with MSU, have sent 20 football players to play golf, sign autographs, and generally have a good time with kids. Now? Not so much.

I'm not an Ohio State fan, so I'm not predisposed to Rich Rod bashing, but dude, WTF? You're going to tell me that an S&C workout in July is more important than allowing some of your athletes to go golf for kids? Michigan State is now going to send extra athletes to cover, and you can't spare one? Oh - the AD approved 3 (3?!?!) athletes can attend from the women's gymnastics team, and from the women's basketball team. Way to turn on that PR juice, UM.

It very well could be that, as a first year coach, Rodriguez had no idea that this is something that his players are supposed to attend, and as such, scheduled an uber-important S&C workout. It was also somewhat irresponsible of the Michigan player liason for the even (former running back Jamie Morris, who I've met and enjoyed speaking with) to not notify the coaching staff until a few days before the event. HOWEVER, with all the negatives flying around the Michigan program as of late, you would have thought that the smart (and right!) thing to do would be to let 20 of your athletes go brighten someone's day.

Rodriguez had better win a hell of a lot of football games, because he's sure not making friends anywhere else.

I object

Opinions are funny things, and naturally you'll always hear that someone else's opinion is just as valid as yours or mine... this of course is not true. I have no problem with a dissenting opinion or point of view. What I do have a problem with is when said argument is devoid of any sort of attempt at presenting the information used to draw out the conclusions that were reached. I am more than happy to engage in a discussion and even reconsider my stance, just present your points of view in a way that has some sort of logical backing behind them. Absolute statements made without such backing fall into a different category. That said, the following deserves a few words presented in a calm fashion...:

From Nittany White Out:
Michigan will be beaten and beaten badly this season. For years Michigan has been beating on its fellow Big Ten rivals mostly due to Lloyd Carr’s impeccable coaching. This is not to say Rich Rod can’t coach. But he simply doesn’t have the players to run his offense. Sure he’ll modify it this year to fit his players, but if history repeats itself, his first year will be dismal. And to the delight of all Big Ten teams, Michigan will struggle. Michigan will be last season’s Notre Dame.

Can you honestly tell me with confidence that they can even win all their non-conference games? With Utah, and Notre Dame (away), the odds are in favor of a 2-2 start before they even start their conference gauntlet. Then there are revenge games away at Penn State, at Purdue, a vastly improved Michigan State, Illinois, at Minnesota and at Ohio State. If you look at their schedule, only 3 games can be considered a sure win, Miami (OH), Toledo and Northwestern.

The 2008 season will be sweet music to all Big Ten fans not sporting Maize and Blue.

Now then, everyone is certainly entitled to their opinion on this year's Wolverines... what I take issue with here is the ridiculous litany of "points" that are thrown out here sans defense, logic, or any identifiable level of reason. All this "breakdown" does is trot out a number of phrases, talking points, and whimsical notions that have been echoed around rival message boards ever since Rodriguez was announced as the new HC. Let's take them in order shall we?

1. For years Michigan has been beating on its fellow Big Ten rivals mostly due to Lloyd Carr’s impeccable coaching. This is missing the forest for a single tree. I said in the comments section over there that I'm was as big of a Lloyd Carr supporter as you could find during his tenure in Ann Arbor. He deserves a LOT of credit, but the main reason why Michigan has been winning football games has been his impeccable coaching? The man was a solid football coach and even greater person, he will go down as one of the greats who have roamed the sidelines in the Big House. But to claim that Michigan has been beating on its fellow Big Ten rivals mostly due to Lloyd Carr's coaching? Certainly his ability as a head coach was a large factor in Michigan's Big 10 success... but uh, there are a few other points to take into account here as well. For one, I think Carr's management of his talent had a much larger effect than his gameplanning or x's and o's prowess did.

I highly doubt anyone would argue that Carr-lead Michigan teams' success had nothing to do with his recruiting, which coincidentally brought in more talent than other teams in the conference could dream of having (save for that one down Columbus way of course), it probably had nothing to do with the fact that Michigan was a better football team across the field than nearly everyone else they lined up with, and I'm sure it had nothing to do with the fact that there has been a long-running tradition of a top level program, which affords it the ability to recruit, gather quality staffs (even if Malone, DeBord, or Andy Moeller were members...), and build from a very strong base. Michigan has not only been fortunate to have a run of great coaches, but we also have been spoiled rotten with the level of football player that we bring in year in and year out... more on that in a bit. To say we won only because of Lloyd Carr's coaching ability is quite simply wrong.

2. But he simply doesn’t have the players to run his offense. Sure he’ll modify it this year to fit his players, but if history repeats itself, his first year will be dismal. Sigh... I nailed this in the preview on "things people will beat to death and be way off base about" and here's example 1A. Sure he'll modify it to fit his players... and if you'd care to tell me how the caliber of player he had at West Virginia, Tulane, and Glenville State compares to that which he is now working with in Ann Arbor, I will happily sit here and listen. Michigan beat a number of teams over the years by running HB traps to the left and occasionally find one of a long line of great receivers deep (oversimplifying a bit for the sake of brevity)... the offense doesn't have to be amazingly complex or mind bendingly difficult to succeed, in fact if you'd like a beautiful example, I direct your attention to last years contest between #10 Penn State and the lowly unranked Wolverines... final score? 14-9 Michigan. Not exactly an offensive firework show was it... and a true freshman qb at the helm no less.

Rodriguez has been around the block, he'll put something in place that will enable this team to play to its strengths. Why everyone is so convinced that because Michigan won't run the "Pat White Steve Slayton" offense next year that they are in huge trouble is beyond me, Rodriguez ran an effective offense with Sean King winging the ball all over the place, and he ran one that whipped the life out of opponents by throwing less than 20 times a game, he's clearly able to adjust to his personnel, but hey, that's inconvienant to this flawed argument. We're all well aware of his first year record at West Virginia and Glenville State, etc, etc, but to try to compare his first year at WVA with what he's working with here is a bit of a stretch if you were to ask me. What his success in these different systems does tell me is that he WILL get his play-makers the football, and believe me when I say that we will have more than one or two players who will be capable of making plays.

The second part of this is the notion that because the offense likely may struggle at times, Michigan is doomed. This might be the case if the defense were going to be of the 2000 vintage... but that simply will not be the case. The Maize and Blue won't have to score 35 points a game to win. Of course it'd probably help to actually, you know, look at the team you're talking about to realize points like that.

3. Michigan will be last seasons Notre Dame. Based upon what? Michigan lost a number of top offensive skill players like ND did two years ago? That's where any and all comparisons stop beween these two teams. The coaching staffs couldn't be more different in terms of both track record and ability, the recruiting classes compared over the past four years are vastly different, the schedules for the upcoming year are different, and the makeup of this year's Michigan squad compared to last year's notre dame edition is also vastly different. Quick name last year's starting running back for ND... does he even crack our top 5 heading into this season? How about their top receiver.... and on, and on, and on.

4. Can you honestly tell me with confidence that they can even win all their non-conference games? With Utah, and Notre Dame (away), the odds are in favor of a 2-2 start before they even start their conference gauntlet. 2-2 would be something close to a worst case scenario to start the season as I look at the teams we're facing... but hey, "the odds favor it"... which means precisely nothing. Nothing in the way of matchups, breakdowns, or other places where any of these teams might give Michigan problems. Utah will be a tough test, as will ND as the first road game, are theses sure wins? No. Are they sure losses? No.

5. Then there are revenge games away at Penn State, at Purdue, a vastly improved Michigan State, Illinois, at Minnesota and at Ohio State. Ah yes, the "revenge game"... this is as true a barometer of an upcoming season as any. I love the argument that teams will be excited to beat Michigan this season... really?? That's different from every other season how exactly? It's really helped Penn State out a bunch since '96 hasn't it, every time our two teams have lined up since then hasn't been a "revenge game" for the Nittany Lions? Next of course is the "vastly improved MSU" (in what way are they vastly improved?)... which just so happens to have to travel to Michigan Stadium where, vastly improved or not, they haven't won since 1990... which is a vast expanse of time.

I've longed learned the hard lesson of trying to determine "sure wins" and you know what, the same holds for "sure losses". For anyone to try to claim that Michigan will be doomed to a 9th place conference finish and a record that one must reach back to 1967 to find another in the same ball park (4-6) with nothing more substantial than talking head sound bites and message board banter is just a bit laughable... add to the fact that it is June, and it's even more laughable. Call me old fashioned, but examining trends and matchups certainly carries more weight than trying to judge a team's "revenge factor" against its opponent.

So in short, we're in trouble because:
1. Rodriguez can't possibly run "his" offense (nevermind that this "argument" completely ignores 2/3rds of the game of football and fails to present any sort of actual attempt at defending these kinds of predictions, it sounds good and everyone else is saying it too!).
2. Other teams will want to beat Michigan really bad... which is news to exactly no one.

How very illuminating...

Michigan may very well struggle this season, nobody knows how we'll look come the end of August, which makes absolute statements about the upcoming season altogether misguided. Particularly when such absolute statements don't do anything like the following: "I think a lack of an experienced quarterback combined with the installation of a new system will really hinder Michigan's offensive efforts this year, this could spell trouble in a number of matchups, including...blah, blah, blah and so on."

I am not stating that Michigan will be great or even good, I don't KNOW what they will be, but to deny that there's a chance that they will be anything other than downright terrible (and the Nittany Whiteout prediction is the bottom of downright terrible) is pretty bold at this point in the year. To attribute said terrible-ness (English is a generative language after all) all to a struggle on offense is just a bit too much for my taste.

Soapbox Time!

I don't want to get off on a rant here... but... (cue Tears for Fears)

For those who are unaware of James Hardy's existence, I can't fault you, but here's your synopsis: he was a highly talented receiver who through some sort of odd sequence of events ended up at Indiana University... set all kinds of records and was a veritable force in that offense, declared early for the draft and was picked up by the Buffalo Bills. Oh, oh yeah, and he also is a world class human being*, as exemplified by this, and oh yes, this...

Some might notice a bit of a "TREND" here... but hey, why not take a chance on this walking disaster? He's tall and can catch a football! It's stories like Hardy that aren't hard to predict, and in fact I'll go ahead and go out on a limb here and guarantee red and blue flashing lights await this individual in the near future, and it'll likely be something that'll be worse than his ol' pa deciding not to press charges despite taking a beating and being threatened with a weapon. It's mystifying how you hear things like "character issues" thrown out about players entering the draft and nobody ever makes too much of a big deal out of it... it's funny how that word covers things like "baby's momma beater" and "father beater" "threaten father with a gun in hometown" type of individual. Hey, congratulations Buffalo! He'll be a tremendous addition to your squad!

Come on over guys and check out my crib!!!

It just amazes me that somewhere, someone is willing to pay an epic failure of a person like Hardy MILLIONS OF DOLLARS despite every piece of evidence that states this guy is destined for a number on his back that is damn sure going to be longer than two digits... it's this portion of sports that causes me to frown as a fan. Where are people's backbones? Integrity? Where's the ability to tell some sleeze-bag like this to go ahead and pull it out his own ass? Sorry James, you sure have all the physical tools, but you're a complete dumbass, we're going to look elsewhere.

The saddest part is that I have literally zero doubt in my mind that this kid will be a colossal problem and likely end up literally hurting someone in the process. In fact, take it to the bank and lock it up, and go ahead and remember I said so when everyone gets "stunned" by the most recent act of violence by a professional athlete.

*Or a complete low-life scum sucking failure who will no doubt be involved in some sort of heinous violent act against a family member or loved one within the next 3 years... you know, whatever works better for you.

Rant off.

WARNING: This post contains an Iowa-like substance

Once, in the land of the great Midwest, there was a small group of people dedicated to learning, and furthering their potential as human beings. Gathering at a small juncture betwixt two rivers, the group would meet to discuss matters of intellect and humanity: namely how to resolve the rapidly widening margin between the two. They called themselves Hawkeyes, and quickly the University of Iowa was born. Then they decided to have a football team, and this happened:



That image, culled from the social networking site facebook.com, prompted the University of Iowa to crack down on the "egregious" pictures and "politically incorrect statements" found on athlete's pages. Basically, athletes will have to sign a form outlining the department's guidelines for social networking sites, and will be subject to punishment should any random search (conducted by the department) turn up any "partial or total nudity, sexual misconduct, underage alcohol consumption, use of illegal drugs, hazing and obscene gestures."

There are numerous problems with this, all stemming the one overarching problem with social networking sites in general. That problem is this:

The individual in question does not have control over what gets posted to social networking sites. I don't do anything illegal (that I know of), yet I'm sure that at the next party I attend, you would be able to take a snap shot of me looking pretty downright filthy. And if that picture gets posted to facebook? I can detag myself - and that's it. There is no control over what gets posted to these sites, and thus, is it really right to hold the athlete responsible for what gets found? There is nothing you can do about somebody posting a picture of you in cyberspace. All you can do is hope it doesn't get found.

My question for the University would be this: What is this policy aiming at stopping? Is this really the best way to combat athletes making themselves look like imbeciles, or is it the best way to combat the public finding out about it?

The steps to "this policy stops athletes from acting STUPID" goes like this:

a) Athlete does something stupid
b) Random frat-dude takes a picture
c) Random frat-dude posts pic to facebook
d) Admin finds out about it
e) Athlete is punished

IF (and it's a LARGE "if" here, folks) the athlete is smart, he or she will connect the dots as such: I don't have control over what goes on facebook, so I'd better be on my best behavior 100% of the time. This is the only logical way that this plan will combat the larger problem of athletes acting stupid. Oh sure - it may stop the CityBoyz from posting cash-eating pictures, but it won't stop dudes from throwin' signs half-cocked at a party. I don't think I'm going way out on a limb saying that this is a reach.

This policy may pull the wool down over the public eye, but it certainly doesn't curb the larger problem of athletes being stupid. All it does is add a confusing layer to the already muddled waters of "social networking sites," while at the same time being horribly unfair to the athlete, who is playing the roll of unwilling participant in a photo shoot that he/she was not aware of. Go out and act stupid - just make sure it doesn't end up on facebook, boys.

Maybe an actual analysis of Iowa football forthcoming. Maybe.

Behold The Future! Illinois 2008

1. One thing the media will harp on that is ridiculously off base – Did you know Illinois has a quarterback named Juice Williams? Yes, indeed that’s his name… no one in the media apparently cares that this guy hits the broad side of the barn at about a 50% clip. Can he run? Yes, yes he can. Can he throw? Well he did manage to improve his completion percentage from 39% in ‘06 (wha wha whaaaaa?) up to 57% in ’07, but with only 22 TDs against 21 picks in his career… suffice it to say that by bottling him up, this team will bog down in the offensive department. Don’t expect this to be mentioned though, Illinois had a big turnaround last year, and they feature an athletic QB!!! They’ll show highlights of his unconscious game in Columbus (and what a performance it was!) and ignore the fact that this guy simply hasn’t been that good at throwing the football, nor will he have MANBEAST Mendenhall next to him in the backfield. In fact, they’ll likely base his season outlook off of that game and that game alone… oh… what? They HAVE?

2. One thing the media will completely ignore that is integral to this team's success – How about Ron Zook’s complete and utter ineptitude at managing a football game? Great recruiter? Sure! Solid sideline presence on Saturdays? Uhhhh… no. Too many examples to name; let’s just say that as long as he’s there they will bring in talent and he will make gameday decisions that leave Illini fans very confused. How soon do you think you’ll see the mismanagement of his top two quarterbacks by yanking Williams and throwing in Eddie McGee on a whim? 2^nd quarter of the Mizzou game? 3^rd?

Random-other-things-the-media-will-likely-ignore… ummm probably that 49-17 asswhippingundressingbehindthewoodshedstompingbeatdown that USC put on the Fighting Politically Corrects back in January… or perhaps that after Mizzou, Illinois plays the Chicago Symphany, Peoria Girl Scout Troop #254 (away), and the Illinois State IM flag football champs for the rest of their out of conference schedule. I don’t know, pick one.

3. Most important contributors on each side of the ball – Whichever running back not named Rashard Mendenhall steps in will be a big question, but I’m going to say that Arrelious Benn will be one of the most important players in this offense. If he can bail Williams out and be any kind of a reliable target, the way you defend Illinois completely changes, the kid is a star waiting to burst out, they just have to get him the football. On defense, I’ll go with Brit Miller, who despite his name is a linebacker… a four year starter at that!

4. Area that scares you as an opponent – The fact that Juice Williams could black out for 60 minutes and play a game like he did in Columbus last year… they really held that ball for over 8 minutes on the final drive? Really?! Shudder…

5. Area that makes you salivate as an opponent – No Rashard Mendenhall and near as anyone else can tell, a quarterback who isn’t going to be picking you apart any time soon… Defenses game-planning against Illinois will put 23 people in the box… at least that’s what USC appeared to do.

6. Random factor that you think will come into play this season – Two things here: Illinois starts Big 10 play @ Penn State and @ Michigan. Regardless of the current situations at both schools, that’s a tough start to the conference slate, and tripping out of the box may impact this team more than a more experienced squad. Secondly, there’s the chance that Arrelious Benn turns into a wide receiver that should be playing for Michigan or Ohio State and enables Juice Williams to throw Kurt-Kittner-8^th-grade-lob-balls and complete them due to Benn’s complete and total level of awesomeness… if this happens, count me as someone who will be highly annoyed.

7. Overall Record – Mendenhall was a beast last year and Illinois caught quite a few people by surprise… including apparently Ohio State. This team was capable of playing quite well, but they lacked consistency, and now they lack their MANBEAST tailback… I think a slight regression towards the mean is on the horizon for the Politically Corrects… call it 8-4 with all four losses coming in-conference… the Mizzou game is a tossup and I’ll lean the Illini way for them on this one, Big 10 solidarity and all.

8. Final Big Ten Standing – Not too hot, not too cold, jusssssssst right, so I say 5^th.

9. Bowl Game Destination – Wooo boy, where does the 5^th place Big 10 team go? Motor City Bowl? I don’t know… We’ll call it a “Late December Capital One Bowl Week Special” and leave it at that.

Whaddya say Beauford?

Epic? Yeah, Probably.

Epic is so overused these days. It used to be that a dude - any dude - could just say "yeah, brah, it's gonna be epic" and he'd get a knowing nod. Now everything is epic. Witness:


That party last night*? Epic.



That slushi I just had? Epic.



That one time, 2 years ago, when we road tripped it to Panama City? Epic.



Space Mountain? Epic.


You see - when a word gets used in contexts for which it is not appropriate, it gradually loses its original meaning - and thus - loses its punch. Epic was first used as a word only describing the most over the top events. Now? My morning constitutional was epic. Allow me to educate:

Epic:
1. noting or pertaining to a long poetic composition, usually centered upon a hero, in which a series of great achievements or events is narrated in elevated style: Homer's Iliad is an epic poem.

2. resembling or suggesting such poetry: an epic novel on the founding of the country.

3. heroic; majestic; impressively great: the epic events of the war.

4. of unusually great size or extent: a crime wave of epic proportions.

Assuming we can throw out the first two definitions, we're left with "heroic; majestic; impressively great" or "of unusually great size or extent."

Well folks - in the truest definition of the word - the proportion of ill will, hatred, and bitterness resulting in the split of Rich Rodriguez from West Virginia has officially reached "epic."


HT: The Wiz

Full .pdf of the affidavit here
Rundown of Osama Bin Richrod here.

Ostensibly to make WVU look bad, Calvin MaGee (former assistant at WVU, current assistant at UM) claimed that Aschebrook - on behalf of the WVU athletic administration - told him that he would not be considered for the head coaching job because of his skin color.

"Specifically, Mr. MaGee has asserted that I [Aschebrook] told him that he would not be considered for the head coaching job at West Virginia University because of the color of his skin, and he also asserts that I stated 'this is West Virginia, they ain't [sic] up to the times yet, you know why...a lot of big boosters won't relate to you.' Finally, Mr. MaGee claims that I gestured to the top of his wrist as further evidence that his skin color was the reason for him not receiving consideration for the position of head football coach at WVU"

Who is Aschebrook? Well - he was an athletic fund raiser at WVU, before being painted a racist. He currently works in the same capacity (as far as I know - please correct me in the comments section if I'm wrong) for Arizona State. He is also categorically denying that any racist gesture or statement was made. From the affidavit:

"So there can be no misunderstanding, I NEVER made any racially discriminatory gesture, remark or engaged in any such conversation with Mr. MaGee during his entire time at West Virginia University"

What is left to determine is whether Aschebrook is a slimeball trying to weasel his way out of a stupid comment, or whether he's genuinely been slighted by MaGee and Rodriguez in an attempt to paint the WVU administration as racist, incompetent, and really mean. Remember, there is the small issue of a $4mil lawsuit to be settled.

I really do encourage you to read the entire affidavit, mostly because it's really interesting. I'm very surprised that whatever lawya went over this allowed it to be published as such - what with all the "that's fu-ud up" comments made by the accused.

Were these racial comments completely fabricated by Rich Rodriguez and his assistant Calvin MaGee in their secret laboratory under Fort Schembechler? Or is Aschebrook trying to save some face by turning this into yet another "he said, she said" argument that can never be settled?

Time will tell. I do know that Michigan just needs all of this to go away. I guarentee you E60 and "Outside the Lines" are having a battle right now on who gets to do the story here - and anytime your program ends up on either show, you've got problems.** Rodriguez and now MaGee are not petulant children refusing to take their medicine. In my estimation, they have a legitimate beef with the contract and buy-out at WVU - if they didn't the court wouldn't have upheld their right to contest it. However, the media is painting both to be that petulant child refusing to play by the rules, taking their ball, and going home. Michigan won't stand for that. Not a down of football has been played, and already Michigan is getting more negative press than (probably) they did during the entirety of Lloyd Carr's career. Bill Martin is sweating. Mary Sue Coleman can't be happy. Michigan needs this to go away, and they need it to go away now. Epic should be applied to wins, seasons, and championships. It shouldn't be applied to problems. Right or wrong, Rodriguez - for the good of the university for which he now works - should pay up and make this go away as quickly and quietly as possible.

*Picture taken from the "world space party" which is pure unabridged awesome.

**Unless the story has to do with giving championship rings to dying kids, or something of that nature. If a kid ain't dying, then it can't be good (too harsh?).

Know When To Fold Em'

Earth to Penn State… hello??

I’m going to try to do all of you Blue and White folks a favor, so go right ahead and sit back for a moment and think about what I’m saying here. First off, I must pose the following question: Why, sweet Jesus, why are you not angry right now? How is it that you are in any way content with the fact that your coach is bound and determined to stay right where he is, and cost the program that he means so much to in the process? Why is it so difficult for people who are in the position to remedy the situation to recognize what needs to happen here? Honor the man, tell him thanks for everything, and move on with it. Have the fans not yet reached the point where they are ready to let go of the past and recognize the present for what it is?

I know it’s a difficult thing to do; I wasn’t one of those torch carrying morons who wanted Lloyd Carr run out of town at the drop of a hat. I genuinely respected and appreciated the man and really grew up with him as the leader of my Maize and Blue, it was not easy to recognize that perhaps it was time for him to call it a career. But you know what? It was, I came to that realization, and even more importantly, Lloyd Carr came to that realization. Michigan will forever remember Carr for his 30 years at the school, and the program will benefit from his ability to walk away when the time was right. Can Penn State fans possibly think they’re going to be in great shape at this point in time?

Here’s my theory, go ahead and try it on for size… Recall that Joe Paterno was doing a spectacular job of running himself out of Happy Valley just four short years ago. Here’s betting you didn’t find too many sentimental types when his name was brought up near the end of 2004. Why’s that you might ask? Well, here’s why:

2000: 5-7
2001: 5-6
2002: 9-4
2003: 3-9
2004: 4-7

And then… “It” happened. “It” is known as 2005. A glorious year for Penn State fans to look back on and remember, 11-1… literally seconds away from a shot at a national title… after posting losing records for four of the last five seasons, Penn State came out of literally black-hole-nowhere with this team.

Oh so close!!!

So here’s the question that is perhaps one of the hardest to ask as Penn State loyalist: Just exactly how much did Joe Pa have to do with 2005? How much of a role did he have in that team, and how much of a role did the superb play of Michael Robinson and a solid defense have to do with it?

Since then, the Lions haven’t been able to capture the same magic, posting “meh” years of 9-4 in ’06 and ’07. Perhaps more poignantly here, even taking 2005 into account, take a look at the following:

Penn State is a .500 ballclub in conference play over the past 8 years… that’s 32-32 from 2000 to 2007.

It’s idiocy to say that a successful team is to blame for anything, but do you think if 2005 is a 7-5 year that Penn State fans are sitting here watching this entire fiasco unfold? The sad part is that 2005 bought Paterno time he literally did not deserve. Let’s call a spade a spade here shall we? His role in that football program is as a figure-head, no two ways about it. That’s not to say he doesn’t mean a lot, that’s not to say that he doesn’t embody the tradition of Penn State football, but you are out of your mind if you think that man has had any sort of control over the goings on from an X’s and O’s, game-planning, and really even an ACTIVE recruiting role.

The point here is this, save for one magical run in 2005, over the past 8 or 9 years Penn State has been anywhere from a god-awful football team to a decidedly mediocre football team. It would seem to be pretty clear to those removed from the immediacy (read: kool-aid) of the program (i.e. me) that a few changes in philosophy would do the Nittany Lions some good from a football standpoint. Yet, here is your coach, whose overall role in the day to day operations of the program is certainly somewhat questionable, hanging on and claiming that he doesn’t need a contract to keep coaching. His determination to remain in a position in which he has not truly been effective in for years is praised and encouraged by some, but it needs to be recognized for what it truly is: damaging to the program. His actions are setting up a very difficult and arduous path for PSU in the near future, this situation will only intensify, and if you don’t think this will have a larger and larger impact on recruiting as it goes on, you’re out of your mind.

It’s sad to see someone as universally respected and liked as Paterno do this to himself and the school, he’s put everyone in a terrible position, and he certainly has laid the groundwork for some truly ugly moments over the horizon, whether it be in trying to remove him from the head coaching position, or be it in a new coaching search, or whether it be in serving as a big reason for recruits to look elsewhere. The man is unquestionably the heart and soul of Penn State football and the school, but it is that label that should weigh heavily on him to recognize what the RIGHT thing to do is, and that is to give the program every possible opportunity and advantage to thrive after he has moved on. Right now, his actions and the inactions of the folks in power in Happy Valley certainly do not convey that message.

A Tradition Unlike... errr where'd it go?!

I want my Masters back…

Let me be astoundingly clear about something: I love the Masters. To be sure, I also love golf, but there are few things that you’ll find golfers to be as passionate about that doesn’t directly concern their game as those four glorious days that give us a window to Augusta… it’s literally the green-flag to spring and for many, the signal of the beginning of golf season.

I must interject a brief aside, if you’ll indulge me. There may be several of you out there who say “Golf?!” and come up with a decidedly not-witty comment that has been used mere thousands of times before. If you don’t like golf, that’s fine, but I’ve found most people who don’t enjoy the game fall into two categories:

1. They’ve never actually attempted to play
2. They’ve played, learned that it was actually difficult, and decided not to like it because, brah, I don’t suck at anything… (other than life of course)

Those of you who don’t like the game or don’t pay attention to it need not read on.

There, now that that’s settled, allow me to climb up on my golfer’s soap-box for a moment here. Let’s get one thing painfully out in the clear: The Masters sucked this year. There, I said it. Flat out sucked. Trevor Immelman deserved to win, and I don’t want to take a thing away from him. Champ’s not one of those front-runners who has to see a “name”win to enjoy the tournament, those guys can go pull it out their ass for all Champ cares (coincidentally, many were likely intently watching the Red Sox Yankees “rivalry” this weekend as well…). What I wanted to see was good golf and some competition. We got neither. The one brief bit of relief I had was the fact that Tiger wasn’t gift wrapped another major due to some dude choking on applesauce all day long while The Striped One played nothing better than par golf. Tiger Woods demands respect, but I HATE watching him win that way. On a day where the winds blew, the eventual winner tied a dubious record… highest final round score shot by the eventual champion: 75.

That doesn’t cover the scope of the suckitude of this tournament however, in a four day stretch where the low score was 67 and the final 20 players on Sunday couldn’t break par, there was a detached and very distant feel to this tournament. There were no roars on Sunday, there were no back nine charges, there were no low scores from a few groups ahead of the leaders to add intrigue and excitement to this competition… this from a tournament that was world renowned for: “The Masters doesn’t start ‘till the back nine on Sunday”. Ack. Some will blame the wind… but that’s a scape goat here. It’s not as though the place was on fire for the first three rounds, and there were fantastic conditions to be had out there. What did we get? A bloodbath… which isn’t what the Masters used to be about. Suddenly the Masters and the folks in those green jackets have caught a case of USGAitis… and it reeks. I do not enjoy the U.S. Open, it’s not entertaining for me to sit there and watch train wreck after train wreck on a tricked up and artificially toughened forgettable track in the summer sun. Leave that garbage to the USGA.

The Masters is above that, its tradition is so interwoven with the holes and the players who have made them memorable that to trifle with them to the extent that the people down there have has robbed the tournament of much of its magic. NOBODY CARES that Augusta yielded under par scores because it was still a course that demanded and rewarded solid golf and shockingly: yielded exciting golf. The people at Augusta have gone too far with their changes. The course is too long and they have combined this length by making the greens no more receptive, adding cuts of rough where none previously existed, and essentially turning the track into the U.S. Open dressed in green sheep’s clothing. Which is vomit inducing.

When you remember the Masters what do you remember? You remember Nicklaus shooting a back nine 30 for the ages in 1986, you remember Ernie and Phil dueling with eagles and birdies in ’04, you remember David Duval throwing it away down the stretch, you remember Mark O’Meara making birdies on the last two to win, Arnold Palmer and Gary Player doing likewise, the greats playing great golf. Seve, Woosnam, Ben Crenshaw, the list goes on and on and on. I’ll tell you what you don’t think of: a bunch of guys trying to put band-aids on rounds and just get into the clubhouse… that’s U.S. Open type garbage right there.

Don't plan on seeing these reactions on Sunday anytime soon...

There’s a ridiculous and nasty venereal disease going around the sport of golf right now concerning the word “par”. “We must protect par!” has long been the cry of nobodies and dweebs at the USGA, and now with the artificial and unnecessary tricking up of Augusta National, we’re starting to see the effects of this kind of hysteria. Par is just a goddamn number, that’s all it is, a number, and an arbitrary one at that. What I want to see is exciting golf, I want to see players dueling down the stretch, and I have not a single care in the world whether that duel takes place at 15 under or 1 under or even 3 over. We got none of those things Sunday, because we’ve got courses now that don’t allow players any opportunity to do anything other than get lucky, and they are covered up with stupid words like “demanding”, “exacting”, and “a challenge”. They are none of these things, they’re contrived and stupid. Anyone can make a golf course hard by growing the rough for a couple of weeks, saying par 5’s are par 4’s and making the fairways as wide as your hallway. Augusta has started to show the early symptoms of this ridiculousness and the tournament has suffered the consequences for the past two years.

Augusta was different, it was a great course that provided great moments… but in its current configuration it’s in grave danger of losing that, and that’s a shame. When sporting events forget what they are about and begin to focus myopically on insipid details, they run the danger of alienating those that have made the event what it was in the first place…

Champ… out.

VLSPSBET

When announcing goes bad: The Vern Lundquinst School of Proper Sports Broadcasting Etiquette and Technique.

Baseball is a thinking man's game, which is to say that it's boring as hell, and you've got to have a fair amount of cranial fortitude to stand up to the 2 minutes of non-action that fills the time between pitches that take 1.2 seconds to reach home plate. Since nobody has ever directly accused me of what (I think) we're all suspicious of - maybe a few donuts short of a dozen - I've gone right ahead and enjoyed baseball despite the fact that it is decidedly "not-football."

As baseball is such a thinking man's game (see above definition), it becomes ever more important for broadcasters to be on top of the action during that 1.2 second window. Witness last night's game between the Yankees and the Red Sox. Baseball fans get all orgasmic over this game in one of two very distinct ways - and it all depends on where they live geographically. If you are from the Northeast, have a cousin who lives in Boston, or want to be gangsta, then you have a rooting interest in this game. You will speak orgasmically about the history, the tradition, and this years matchup about which you actually know very little. Conversely, if you live in the Midwest, or (god help us) the West Coast, you're so tired of MSM force feeding you this rivalry that you will speak orgasmically about how good the Indians/Tigers/Cubs/Padres are, and how they are ignored by ESPN and others of that ilk.

Back on topic (like there ever was one to begin with), broadcasting baseball has its own challenges - mainly filling up that 2 minutes between the action - and as such allows for a certain dance. ESPN's team of Joe Morgan and Jon Miller have been broadcasting baseball together for 18 years, and one would think they would have gotten pretty good at the dance. One could theoretically start waxing poetic about a young minor leaguer for a full 15 minutes while the other pops in for exactly 1.2 seconds to say "ball 2 outside." Not so. Not with Joe Morgan in the booth.


Joe Morgan scares kittens. And baseball fans. But mostly kittens.

Last night, after the brilliant insight of (verbatim) "Manny is so good because he keeps balanced, keeps his feet under him to stay balanced, and keeps balanced" Joe started talking steroids, and it's clear that he's getting really worked up. After about 5 minutes of disjointed babble, it's also becoming clear that something important is happening down on the field. The Yankees catcher (Molina) - having just hit a double - is being removed for a pinch runner, and it looks like there's going to be a pinch hitter too. Now, in a game that is 90% waiting for 10% payoff - this is a pretty fucking important switch. This isn't just waiting around, the Yankees have just switched TWO positions, and since Posada wasn't catching at the time (he was DHing), it was clear that he'd have to go to catch, and there would have to be a new DH. I say "it was clear" only in hindsight because at the time I had no fucking clue what was happening on the field because Joe just kept barreling through his "let's reward the clean players" diatribe. It was unbelievable, and took a full 30 seconds (which is a long time to be clueless in a sporting event) for Jon to jump in and fill us in on the action.

So, for a special non-football version of the VLSPSBET, I'm going to just say this: In a game that is only 10% action, if you're a broadcaster, it is very important to actually call the action.

That is all.

VLSPSBET

Beauford and I haven’t teased this out yet, so consider the following a trial run… and I PROMISE this is the last time I mention Billy Packer for months… anyways, Monday when Packer continually failed to recognize that the Kansas Jayhawks were utilizing a zone defense in the second half, it got me thinking about many of the misnomers or misconceptions that are continually reinforced by your average sports announcer… and as a result by your common sports fan.

Well gentlemen and madams, when has average ever been acceptable? You’re not that type of sports fan; you’re not that type that lets somebody in your group talk about yesterday’s game, totally BLOW the description and let it slide… no, Beauford and Champ know you better than that. You expect to converse on a higher level when you enter into an intellectual debate within the sports genre; and you expect those conversing with you to have a base of understanding so that you may effectively communicate with them. It’s an unwritten rule that’s simply understood.

So without further ado, we present to you a possibly ongoing series here at State of Game:

The Verne Lundquist School of Proper Sports Broadcasting Etiquette and Technique

Or VLSPSBET if you’re into that whole brevity thing.

Why Verne Lundquist you ask? Because there is no finer sir, and I’m offended that you asked in the first place. SEC folk (shudder) have been privy to his talents for years. Verne is still whipping young pups in this broadcasting game with his smooth delivery, clutch performances, and salient understanding of several sports. All of that while a myriad of analysts out there can’t seem to get a grasp on just one. Think about this, in the Masters alone, Lundquist has been immortalized TWICE:

1986: Nicklaus sinks his birdie putt on the 17^th part of the greatest 9 holes of golf ever played at Augusta, and that moment will inexorably be tied with Lundquists epitome of perfection: “YES SIR!!!!!!!”

2005: Woods holes the up and back chip for birdie on the 16^th proving that golf balls do in fact have a flair for the dramatic. Again, this will never be separated from Verne’s sublime: “In your LIFE have you ever seen anything like that?!”

So there’s your reasoning right there… In these sections, we will deal with all sorts of errata of the announcing type, and likely harbor some very ill will toward several individuals in particular. Who you ask? Well you’ll just have to keep checking back to see won’t you!!! Onward.

Today’s topic for VLSPSBET: The old trusty reverse, what it is, and what it is NOT!

Few plays in football are so poorly understood and so often mistaken by announcers. The reverse is not a new play, it has been around for a quite a while… and yet, it appears that somewhere in the textbook of football commentating, the “END AROUND” was mistakenly switched with the definition of “REVERSE”… naturally, then when a team runs a true reverse, the fools in the booth fall all over themselves to add to its grandiosity, labeling the play “a DOUBLE reverse”!!!! Don’t be that guy dear readers, don’t be that idiot who stands up and screams reverse during a football game when the play is merely an end around, you’d disappoint Verne.

So how do you avoid this most basic of mistakes? How about actually recognizing what each play entails? Without futher ado:

An END AROUND: Is a play where the quarterback hands off to a wide receiver in the backfield. The receiver motions into the backfield as the ball is snapped and receives said handoff from the quarterback, he then proceeds (if all has gone well and according to plan) towards the opposite end of the line from where he lined up, hoping to, as they say, “catch the corner”. If we had a dollar for every time this simple play (and dare we say, when properly used, effective) was exasperatedly called a reverse, we would be enjoying many fine things.

A REVERSE: A reverse is usually built off of your basic sweep play, in which the quarterback takes the snap and pitches the ball to the tailback, who for the purposes of this discussion proceeds to run towards the eastern sideline. Meanwhile, the receiver who started out on the east side of the formation begins to motion in the opposite direction… that would be westward. The tailback then proceeds to hand-off or pitch the ball to the receiver, who is now headed towards the western sideline and hopefully in the opposite direction of all 11 players on the defensive side of the ball. Note the key here is that the ball REVERSES DIRECTION… Not exactly a difficult concept to grasp now is it? What about the ever so rare double reverse? Well gentle reader, simply add yet another exchange on the end of your usual reverse with the ball now in the hands of the third ball carrier on the play (HB – WR – WR) and headed back in the original direction that the play began in, for us, east.

So there you have it, a brief and succinct breakdown of the difference between the end around and the reverse… keep track and savor the moment the first time this season that someone fails to recognized the simple difference between the two!

Ramblin Gamblin Gets Popped

Noel Devine Busted: Devine and three others (also Mountaineer footballers) plead no contest to battery charges after being arrested Thursday. This isn't the first time Devine's been popped. In fact, his character issues were such a problem that most major programs wouldn't touch him, despite his ability to snap ankles like twigs. At this point, West Virginia is scaling the Fulmer Cup like it's Mount Everest, and they've got altitude sickness. Currently, they sit 4th with an expected move up after the most recent points are added.

Michigan will stand for a lot of things. I think they will truly be patient while Rodriguez more than likely struggles to an 8 win season next year. But the one thing that Michigan will absolutely not stand for is anything remotely resembling a problem with the character of their football team. Rodriguez has made a living off of recruiting...um...marginal characters at West Virginia: Pacman and Chris Henry to name a few. The first time a Michigan player makes it rain, Rodriguez will be out the door so fast he won't even have time to shred his playbook.

The logical answer to this is, of course, that in order to be competitive at WVU, Rich had to recruit marginal guys with talent. This is well and good, except that old habits die hard - ask Kelvin Sampson about that. At Michigan, Rich won't need to recruit marginal characters - but that doesn't mean he won't. I'm not panicking, and I'm not making predictions, but it is something to keep an eye on.

Bill Simmons Loves "The Wire": Read the column first. Got it? A prep all-star in Los Angeles got killed by some gangbangers, and Bill Simmons went to the funeral? You with me? DISCLAIMER: This isn't necessarily a true fisk job, as I do appreciate Bill for what he does, which is essentially write a Boston sports blog on a nationally "syndicated" website. However, I was appalled that he would take what was shaping up to be a pretty good column about what happens when tragedy and sports mix, and completely submarine it into a confluence of references from multiple episodes of "The Wire."

I know it's a gritty show. I know it's realistic. I know white people like it. But the show's getting 86'd because nobody watches it. I don't watch it. Thus, a column that could have been a poignant take on culture and sports (which Bill usually does very well) was denigrated to references from a TV show that nobody watches, thus axing about 3/4 of his readership from actually understanding the column. I normally get a kick out of the thousand or so pop culture references in Simmons' columns. This time, under these circumstances, it was a bad move.


Clemson Football (gasp) a Real Football Team!: You've heard, no doubt, about Ray Ray's recent...um...problems with the Clemson football team - namely the fact that he isn't good enough to play for them. You've read The Wiz and EDSBS about how much of a prick Bowden is. If you don't know what I'm talking about, start from the beginning here. It's too complicated to recap at this point.

I will say right now that Clemson got a raw deal on this one. Scholarships are gold in today's football. They're what makes big D-1 football go. If you don't believe me, look what limiting scholarships does to a program like Alabama. Hell, look at what the probationary status placed on Michigan Basketball did to its program. There's a reason these punishments kill entire programs for decades or more - you NEED scholarships to compete. That's why Clemson had their hands tied on this one. Ray Ray is an inspiring story. But he's not that good at football. And when you're not that good at football, you get cut. Clemson was kind enough to allow him to continue his education for free, and earn a degree that will serve him much better than pipe-dreams of playing in the NFL ever will. College football is all about the W's baby - and you can't get them by keeping players who aren't very good on scholarship. What Tommy was forced to do sucked, but he had no choice. I typically don't like the Bowdens, and I've got a bad taste in my mouth from sticking up for one, but Clemson's trying to become a BCS power. You don't get there by keeping sub-par players on scholarship.

Peace Talks Coming to Fruition Between BTN, Comcast?

Get excited, because what was used to be free is now free again. Maybe. Well, probably not even maybe, but hey, it's a start. According to this and this, it looks like the Big Ten Network will be on Comcast Digital basic in time for football season, but only in the Big Ten footprint. This seems to me to be screwy because...well...the B10 footprint was (before the BTN) already getting their local games.

However, congratulations are in order for Comcast and the BTN for successfully reinventing the wheel. Big Ten footprint dwellers - you can now watch your local teams with the added benefit of terrible camera angles, worse announcing, and the probability that a commercial will cut into the first play upon returning from a time out.

This is a good sign for Comcast users, but it's not exactly a reassuring sign for those who like to practice common sense. The BTN is just offering (only to those living in the footprint) a service that was once offered for free - namely being able to watch your local B10 team in your living room. If the BTN truly wanted to be innovative and new, why don't they branch out and say...offer the network to people who never got the local coverage? Wouldn't that make more sense? I live in Boston, and I never got local coverage of Big Ten football. Why not go out to markets that hold a big contingent of B10 grads and fans, but don't have any local coverage?

It doesn't make sense to me, but the whole network is generally baffling, so I guess it's par for the course. I will (not living in the footprint) continue to go to sports bars to watch BTN games, because the BTN seems convinced that reinventing the wheel and offering the same service for local teams + headache is the way to go. If you're living in the footprint, you can now enjoy the shoddy broadcasting from your couch. If you live outside the footprint, and never got the local coverage to begin with...well...umm...you're still screwed.

Take a Jumbo, 'Cross the Water...

Warning: Objects in Photo do not actually appear in the UK - except for the crap ale. That tastes like celery.

I just landed from across the pond, and let me be the first to tell you that the UK has themselves one exceptionally fine city over there. London is beautiful, and the people are friendly. On top of these two distinctive factors, they talk funny, which only adds to the enjoyment. There is just something about watching a real football match on a proper pitch, in a proper Pub, drinking proper ale that stirs the Brit in you that refused to leave even as Washington forced a surrender at Yorktown in 1781. Something, however, that left the American's psyche at that surrender was the ability to mindlessly suffer through things, without a dire need to make things better. We Americans pride ourselves on our ingenuity, and the Brits commend us (at least, after they get done bitching about us) for our seemingly endless optimism.

Optimism? huh. I hate to clue in our friends across the way, but it's not optimism - it's good old fashioned problem solving. You know - problems like "hey, my beer is warm, and tastes like celery." Well then - let's cool that puppy down to about 33 degrees, add some carbonation, and have it served by scantily clad women. Hey, Britain, it's not eternal optimism, it's fucking common sense. And yet - amazingly - the British seem content to suffer silently without doing a damn thing about it. The perfect example? Football. Proper football, that is.

Now, as an aside, it should be noted that I, Beauford Bixel, am a big supporter of soccer. You set me down in front of FIFA 2006, and I'll whip your ass right quick, provided I'm Chelsea, and can trade for Thierry Henry for my center forward. Those are my conditions - take them or leave them. Hell, I like the sport so much, I even DVR'd the World Cup two summers ago so that I could watch the US get smoked like hashish in Amesterdam. But come on, the game can end 0-0. You can sit and watch 90 minutes of grown men running around a beautifully manicured pitch, and have absolutely nothing resolved by the end. I wotched a beeg mutch betwixt Chelsea and Liverpool frum a propah Eenglish pub that ended nil-nil. I sat drinking ale, amiably watching the telly for 90 minutes, and the most action I saw was in the loo where somebody had posted an escort service advert. But, amazingly, the Brits were happy as could be with the outcome.

Made to suffer, the British people are. I'll tell you what - lets put some modern day armor on those lads, make the ball slightly oblong, and have them hit each other for 90 minutes. At least then I could get my need for violence quenched, even if the score would still be nil-nil. Oh wait - they have that too. It's called "rugby" and no one knows exactly how it's played.

In all seriousness - go to London the first opportunity that you have. It's a great, great city.

Champ's got something for us tomorrow, and I promise it will have to do with football. You know. proper football.